


Paris, or Wherever We Are

by dreadfortsnow



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bottom Levi Ackerman, Drinking, Fluff and Smut, Gaming, Light Angst, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Multi, Online Dating, Online Relationship, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Phone Sex, Slow Burn, Top Eren Yeager
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-15 07:40:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 22,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29185674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreadfortsnow/pseuds/dreadfortsnow
Summary: When he feels like he's being shuttled down a path he doesn't want to take and everyone important in his life seems to be pulling away,  Eren turns to one of his oldest vices to indulge in some earthly comforts: dating apps. He expects to fool around, stir up a little trouble, and maybe make a wallet or two hurt in his pursuit to reclaim some excitement in his life, all the while promising himself he wouldn't get too invested. What he doesn't expect to find, on Tinder of all places, is a grumpy older man with a crass sense of humor and a heart of gold that makes his heart race every time they talk. And between 2:00 AM conversations, random video calls, and late night gaming sessions, Eren begins to realizes just how utterlyscrewedhe is.
Relationships: Armin Arlert/Jean Kirstein, Erwin Smith/Mike Zacharias, Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss/Ymir, Levi/Eren Yeager, Mikasa Ackerman/Annie Leonhart, Moblit Berner/Hange Zoë, Oluo Bozado/Petra Ral, Reiner Braun/Bertolt Hoover, Sasha Blouse/Connie Springer
Comments: 18
Kudos: 53





	1. Ordinary People

**Author's Note:**

> 2020 and 2021 have brought a lot of things to table, not the least of which is my 2015 year old self back with a vengeance, reminding me just how much i love snk. despite being an avid fan for years, i've never written any snk fanfic before and decided to bring 2021 in with my favorite boys. as a sucker for online dating and long distance relationship tropes, this idea wouldn't leave me alone, so i hope you all enjoy!
> 
> a big thanks also to my best friend and beta-reader, [mandrs](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mandrs/pseuds/mandrs), for everything she does. for anyone interested in angstier fics, pls be sure to check out her [newest work](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28115385/chapters/68887701)!

"Hey, Eren." The voice sounded from the chair opposite the couch that Eren was languidly stretched out on, his ankles crossed over each other and slung off the armrest, a heavy textbook propped against his stomach and an open notebook on his lap.

Eren looked up from his phone, at the small blond peering at him. Armin also had a textbook in his lap, his laptop balancing precariously on the arm of his chair. Next to him, on the floor, with a mug of hot cocoa was Mikasa, surrounded by her study notes and flashcards. 

"We're supposed to be studying for chemistry." Armin continued, a bit sheepishly now that he actually had Eren's attention. 

"Well, you don't need to study for it," Eren corrected, and clucked his tongue, swiping left on his screen. Then left again. "And I only need a D to pass. I'm not doing that bad." 

"It's for your midterm," Mikasa spoke up, a gentle reminder. It was her midterm too, though Eren knew she was doing far better in the class than she let on. Unlike Armin, who was required to take chemistry for his major and had already flown through it, Mikasa was only taking it to be with Eren. She'd been overly protective since they were children, and despite Eren's attempts, he could never shake her off. He was convinced it was ruining his social life, but Mikasa was always quick to remind him that he'd never been the best at making friends. So much for her boosting his ego. 

"Yours too." Eren finally sat up straight, swinging his legs off the arm of the couch and moving the study equipment piled on top of him aside. Armin and Mikasa shared a look before Mikasa shrugged and took a sip of her drink. 

"I'm going to pass the class no matter how good I do on this. You know Armin and I are only doing this for you, right? And you're not even paying attention." 

Eren groaned, audibly, and rolled his eyes. College was a drag, more so than high school ever was, and worse yet, there wasn't a single part of him that wanted to be a college student. He wanted to move out, take his car and keep driving and see where he ended up. He wanted to explore the world, wanted to have parties on weekdays and be hungover in the morning, and eat greasy food until he felt like bursting. He only had so much time, and he didn't want to waste it in a classroom, or staring at a computer screen. Maybe that was fine for someone like Armin, someone like Mikasa, but for him, it felt...empty. 

"I didn't ask you guys to do this," he snapped, and buried his face back in his phone. He heard Mikasa sigh, moments before the couch dipped beside him. He glanced over, expecting to see Mikasa, but instead it was Armin, having abandoned his study materials in his chair. 

"I guess we have been at it a while. And if you have to retake the course, at least your Quizlets will already be made." 

"I'm not going to have to retake it," Eren scoffed, but he shoved his shoulder playfully into Armin's, the tension that had settled over the living room beginning to lift. It was fine for people like Mikasa and Armin to lose themselves in their studies for hours on end, but Eren wasn't like that. It didn't matter how much his friends tried to help him down their path of academic success, he simply wasn't going to take to it. He wished it was easier to get that idea through people's thick skulls- he was _fine_ not getting a degree. Hell, he didn't even want a deadend job to work at after graduation, why was he expected to spend all this time working towards that? It was someone else's dream, not his. 

"What're you doing anyway? TikTok?" Armin curled up on the couch cushion beside Eren, who flashed him his phone with a cheeky smile. While TikTok had been his time-consuming hobby as of late (both watching and making them, though Eren got more attention on the app for showing off his abs than any of the other content he produced) he'd progressed into far more dangerous territory. 

Dating apps. 

Armin groaned upon seeing the familiar screen. In high school, Eren had been obsessed with the swipe-and-hookup culture while it was at its peak, and somehow, he always managed to drag Armin down the rabbit hole with him. Some moments had been funny, spending their sleepovers reading through messages Eren got on Tinder, Grindr, OKCupid, and whatever the hell else he signed up for. But most of the time, it'd been a catalyst for unfortunate situations- he had gotten wrapped up in his fair share of bad people and bad relationships through those apps. Not that it was always the fault of whoever caught his eye, Eren was far from a victim, after all. 

"No, Eren, not again." He tried to take the phone from Eren's hands, but Eren simply stretched his arm away and turned, leaning his back into Armin, using his larger stature and weight to pin the smaller against the couch. 

"It's just for fun," he reassured, but as Eren stared at photo after photo that popped up on his screen, he wasn't so convinced himself. 

Armin's stare was doubtful, as he pushed against Eren's strong shoulders in an attempt to get him off of him, but to no avail. Mikasa had said nothing, though judging by her drawn brows and frown, Armin's reaction had been more than enough to tell her what was going on. The look exchanged between them spoke volumes: _how many people is he going to tear through this time?_

"Seriously," Eren relented and lifted his weight off of Armin, turned to fix him with a look. To think his friends had such little faith in him. Maybe if it wasn't for them, he wouldn't have to resort to dating apps for his fun, or for a potential relationship. Not that he was looking for anything serious, but he wouldn't mind having someone to make-out with in the backseat of his car or to take to the local drive-in movie theater. Even someone to talk to, someone who didn't know every aspect of who he was and his life, like Armin and Mikasa and all his other friends from their old high school did. He wanted to be a mystery to someone again. 

"You guys act like I've killed someone before by doing this or something." He turned back to his phone and swiped left. Then right. A notification for a match popped up and he tapped the screen until it went away. There was an abundance of unread messages in his inbox already, attached images he wasn't sure he wanted to even see. Unlike some people, Eren wasn't doing this for _attention_. It was boredom, little more. 

"You did end up in jail once," Armin pointed out, with an accusatory raised eyebrow.

"Once, and how was I supposed to know he was a wanted criminal? The Tinder bio isn't really long enough to include that and 'dog-lover'."

"You really think this is fair to people, Eren?" Mikasa spoke up from her spot on the floor. Her worry seemed to melt into irritation, taking Eren aback. What was her problem? 

"What do you mean? I'm not doing-"

"You know what you're doing." She cut him off, curtly, and pushed herself to her feet. She picked up her mess of notes on the floor, sat them down on the coffee table, and turned on her heel to stalk towards the kitchen. Eren stared after her. 

"What was that all about?" He looked to Armin, but all Armin did was stare at his socked feet. 

"I think she's just nervous about you ending up in a bad place because of someone again. Or someone ending up in a bad place because of you," the blond sitting beside him explained slowly, carefully, like he was choosing his words with tremendous caution. Eren stared at him, trying to read the impassive look that had come over his face. 

"I don't know why you guys are acting like this, it's ridiculous. It's not really your business what I'm doing anyway, if it bothers you so much, you can leave." Stubbornly, Eren went back on his phone, but swiping through the faces of people he didn't care about and barely found attractive didn't seem so appealing anymore. The unease was palpable in the air, and Eren wished he knew _why_ , if only to make fighting with his friends easier. 

Silence stretched between them for a while and Mikasa still hadn't returned from the kitchen. Had she gone to her room? Eren hoped so, not wanting to deal with her attitude. Finally, he felt Armin shift on the couch, and he stole a look over the top of his phone at him. 

"Sorry, Eren, I don't think either of us meant it in a bad way." He paused, like he wanted to elaborate further, but changed his mind on what he was going to say. Eren's eyes narrowed. "I mean, I think we just want you to find someone you like instead of just doing _that_." 

"What? You mean like you and Jean?" Armin's face blushed at the sudden mention of his newfound relationship with Eren's childhood nemesis-turned-sort-of-friend — not that Eren would ever think of Jean outwardly as anything but an arrogant ass. No, he'd bite his own tongue off before he admitted any sort of affection for him. "I'll pass." 

"That's a stupid comparison and you know that's not what I meant."

"I just don't know if someone interested in Jean should be giving me romantic advice," Eren waved his phone in the air. "Not that this is even _romantic_. I'm just doing it for fun." Armin didn't say anything and Eren sighed, softening as he took in the sight of his best friend. He leaned forward, throwing an arm around Armin's shoulders and giving him a slight shake. "I guess on the bright side I've been able to stomach Jean more since you've been dating, not that I approve but-"

"Shut up, Eren." Coming from anyone else, the words might've seemed callous, but there was a tinge of playfulness, of forgiveness, in Armin's tone. They fought more than they used to, but they could never seem to stay upset at each other for long, even if they didn't see eye to eye as much as they used to in their childhood years. 

Smiling cheekily, Eren brandished his phone in front of the blond. "What do you think of him?" For a moment, Armin stubbornly refused to look at his phone. Eren didn't budge though and finally, Armin's blue eyes flickered down to the screen in front of him and he snorted with laughter. 

"He's holding a fish, Eren. It's not even that big either."

"Yeah, I'm not sure he's even into men-" Eren swiped left. "If it was bigger would that make it better?"

"More impressive, at least." 

Eren continued to absently swipe through the various dating profiles. Most of them didn’t suit his tastes, and some of them he swiped right on just to see what would happen. More often than not, he matched with the person. While he rarely let it get to his head, physical appearance never having been the most important thing in Eren’s life, he was _aware_ that he looked good. Long, dark brown hair, usually tied up with a few loose pieces to frame his face, a strong jaw, tan skin- and he had a nice body, _somehow_ , between all the pizza and wing nights he had with his friends while they binge-watched shitty horror movies. 

If he was looking for something serious, the downside to how he looked was that more people were interested in hookups than something genuine, but at least Eren felt the same way. If not to have fun with someone in person, then maybe he could get an online fuck buddy to exchange pictures with. And Paypals accounts, though Eren had nothing to offer on that front, being a college student. Even though his parents paid for nearly all his expenses, he had _additional_ ones that they refused to cough up cash for, and he needed to get it from somewhere. It was selfish, but if somebody out there wanted to spoil Eren in exchange for the occasional dick pic (like he didn’t have a stash of pre-taken ones), then how could he say no?

Humming thoughtfully to himself, Eren tapped the small gear icon in the corner of his screen to adjust his settings, broadening the location and age ranges. Armin, still peering over his shoulder, made a confused noise in the back of his throat. 

“What’re you doing?” 

“You know, Armin, there’s a lot of people out there that will give you pretty much anything you want for just talking to them. But they probably don’t live in Shiganshina, and they’re also probably not 21-”

“ _Eren_.” 

“And I’ve been wanting to get another tattoo-”

“ _Eren_ ,” Armin admonished, more loudly so Eren would actually look over at him. “How could you do that? Isn’t that wrong?” 

“Not if somebody wants to do it. I mean, I couldn’t see someone like _you_ doing it but not everyone is you.”

“Well, of course not I actually have a relationship.” Speaking of said relationship, Armin tugged his own phone out of his back pocket, and began to furiously tap away at his phone to Jean. Eren wouldn’t be surprised if the two of them talked about him behind his back, but he wasn’t about to ask. The last thing he wanted was to see flirting between the two of them through text messages. It was bad enough in person. Silence once again stretched between them as they busied themselves on their phones before Armin peeked up. “Should we see where Mikasa went off to?” 

“No, it’ll probably just piss her off more.” If Mikasa wanted to have a stick up her ass about nothing, then so be it. Eren wasn’t going to chase after her and make her happy, knowing that was exactly what she wanted from him. Weren’t they too old for that kind of behavior? 

“She’s in the kitchen,” a familiar voice said from the archway that led into the hallway from the living room. In the archway stood a tall man, with light blond hair and a scruffy beard desperately in need of some good grooming. _Zeke_. 

“You’re still here?” Eren jerked into a proper sitting position, more than a little surprised to see his older half-brother. Zeke seemed to come and go like a ghost, nobody ever really knowing where he was or what he was doing at any given time. He was plenty old enough to make those decisions, but apparently not old enough to commit to getting his own place somewhere, always seemingly falling back on Grisha and Carla for support. Either that, or he just enjoyed being home too much for someone who was nearly thirty years old. 

Zeke shrugged and buried his spoon into the _Chunky Monkey_ Ben and Jerry’s ice cream carton he was holding. “You shouldn’t treat that girl so poorly, Eren. She cares about you.” 

That was what everyone said. Eren was sick of hearing it. Rather than indulge Zeke, he grumbled to himself and slumped back into the couch cushions. 

“Shouldn’t you go back to your house?” He heard Zeke’s footsteps draw nearer, but he didn’t look up from his screen. “Or do you like leeching off my parents that much?” A heavy hand grabbed the back of his head, lightly pushing it. 

“Says you. Have you ever had a job, Eren?” 

Eren considered for a moment. He did, once, in high school, working at a shitty little convenience store that made them wear piss-yellow aprons and hairnets. The whole experience had been miserable, and Eren had quit -quite suddenly and aggressively- after a particularly bad interaction with a customer who was mad about how her food turned out. He’d slammed the hairnet down on the counter, cursed her out for her self-righteous bullshit, and left then and there. He never even went back to pick up his final paycheck. 

Other than that, he did odd jobs here and there to make money. Usually, it was from people sending it to him. Lately, he’d been getting more into the Tiktok scene, but making any royalties off of that app was a pain in the ass. So, he switched some of his energy into streaming games. He coerced Armin into helping him perfect his set up, decided on what games he was going to play for his audience, and began. Making it big on Twitch was difficult, and Eren’s average rating of viewers per stream wasn’t fantastic, but he was an affiliate now and got the occasional donation when he asked for it. It wasn’t his gaming prowess that kept people watching his streams though. Apparently, they _liked his commentary_ and his _energy_ , and that’s why they stuck around. 

“I do work, yeah. Just not a traditional job.” 

“Being bad at first-person shooters doesn’t count.” 

Eren reached around and batted Zeke’s hand off of his head angrily, skin crawling from the other’s touch. Sometimes they got along, sometimes they fought like they were on the verge of killing each other, but mostly their banter was that of typical siblings. Still, Zeke _really_ pissed him off sometimes. “Put the fucking ice cream in a bowl before you eat it.” 

Zeke meandered away from the couch, and slipped his sneakers on. “No, I’m having the whole thing.” He dug his spoon into the banana flavored ice cream just to make a point before he headed out the front door, off to do god knows what with god knows who. Most of that man’s life was just a mystery to Eren, but anytime he asked, he was met with some bullshit, half-assed answer that avoided what he asked, and so he gave up trying. The only person who seemed to know _anything_ about Zeke, outside of the fact that he existed like some sort of weird transient in their lives, was Grisha. But he never spoke on it. His history with his past wife and his first-born son was clouded in darkness. Eren knew Zeke’s mother’s name, but little more. Maybe Carla knew more— more than she let on anyway, but Eren never asked. 

“Your brother is a little weird, Eren,” Armin commented, fiddling with his phone as a small smile stretched across his face. It wasn’t because of his assessment of Zeke either, Eren knew. 

“Tell horse-face to fuck off, you’re spending time with me.” He swiped right on two people in a row, neither of which looked like they had above fifteen dollars in their checking account but _fuck it_. 

“Spending time with you and your Tinder boyfriends.” Armin scoffed, but he finally locked his phone and set it aside, right as Eren landed on another new profile. The man in the picture looked terribly uncomfortable, stiff as a board as he stood for the camera. He was dressed in a suit, but not one that someone would wear to be fancy- it looked more like a company-issued uniform. The backdrop was a city-scape, and the angle was odd, too far out to highlight any of the man’s features. Given how he looked in comparison to his surroundings though, Eren could tell he was short. 

He flipped through the additional photographs, most of them taken haphazardly, as if the individual in them _really_ didn’t want his picture taken. None of them looked enthusiastic at all, except for the very last photo. The man was dressed casually, seemingly unaware that he was being photographed at all as he patted the face of a large black horse that towered over him. Eren slid up on his profile with his thumb. Levi Ackerman. Drinks socially, smokes never, 5’2, no pets, no kids, 32 years old-

“Hey,” Eren elbowed Armin and held his phone out in front of him. “He’s kinda cute.” Armin took the phone gingerly from Eren’s hands, careful not to swipe on the profile as he thumbed through Levi’s photos. 

“Ackerman? That’s Mikasa’s last name.” 

“I’m sure it doesn’t mean anything.”

“He also really doesn’t look like he wants to be on this app.” 

“Yeah but it’s kinda endearing, don’t you think? And more importantly,” Eren flicked his screen over the photo of Levi in the suit. “He looks like he has money.” 

“That’s so wrong, Eren.” 

Eren fell silent, but stared for a while longer at the images of Levi. Something about him was entrancing, far cuter than any of the other boys he’d seen on the app thus far. The way his hair fell into his grey eyes, the sharp cut of his nose and jaw, the way he could tell he was built well underneath his clothes by the way they curved around his muscles- how someone like _him_ was on a dating app, Eren could never guess. His profile was void of any written information, the only thing Eren knew was what was in the tags. 

“You think he’s on here because he’s short?” Eren tilted his head as he continued to study his screen, not wanting to swipe and have it disappear, even if it would _definitely_ be to the right. 

“Huh? Oh, you’re still on his profile?”

“He’s 5’2.” 

“That’s rude, Eren, short people deserve to be in relationships too.” 

“Of course you’d say that.” He swiped right, slowly but with certainty. No match yet. Why did it suddenly matter so much to him? He’d never felt anxious swiping on someone before now. “Not that I really care. He doesn’t even live in Shiganshina, or even that close, so-” He shrugged. “But if he did, short people had good qualities. Easier to win in pillow fights against, easier to outeat because they’re smaller-” 

“That man would never have a pillow fight with you. Did you see him?” 

“Maybe he’s just trying to look tough for his pictures. Little man syndrome.” Eren snickered, before dissolving into a pool of laughter. Armin rolled his eyes, but joined in a second later. Though dating apps were far from the first thing Armin wanted Eren to be investing his time and energy into it, it was fun, and to be able to relax like this was nice. And who knew? Maybe this time, it’d turn out different. There was no price to pay for a little optimism, after all. 

* * *

Erwin’s house was neat. If it weren’t for the wine glass on the living room coffee table and the opened case files strewn across his desk, it would’ve been almost as spotless as Levi’s own. Erwin’s proclivity for order made visiting him easy, a completely different experience compared to when Levi was dragged to Hange’s house- if it could even be called that. They lived in a constant state of disarray and chaos, their living space a physical manifestation of what Levi imagined went on in their mind; a shitstorm. If it wasn’t for Moblit to chase after them, keeping up with some of the basics of house maintenance, Levi would’ve signed Hange up for that reality show _Hoarders_ long ago. 

Erwin’s house was tolerable though, and it was just about the only reason Levi could be dragged from his sanctuary of quiet and isolation to join his coworkers and friends for their monthly dinner, so graciously hosted by their boss himself, Erwin, and Erwin’s fiance and advisor, Mike. It was to celebrate all their hard work, to relish over their wins and mourn over their losses. Given the nature of their work, team-building was important, and these dinners served as a much needed respite from the emotional turmoil they all experienced on a day-to-day basis. Even Levi, who braved even the worst of cases with a stoic expression and firm resolve, couldn’t deny that the job weighed heavily on him. Maybe more so than most of his other coworkers, given how close to home it hit. 

Utensils clanged against the dinner plates on the table as everyone began to wrap up their meals. Hange, sitting adjacent to Levi, exhaled loudly, slumping down in their chair to show off their distended belly. “It’s like a food baby,” they commented, poking at their bloated stomach. “Ha! You have one too, Moblit.” They pointed at their significant other next, whose face flashed red. 

“Do not,” he swatted their hand away, and focused his attention on Erwin, who was folding up his napkin into a perfect triangle against the tablecloth. “Thanks for dinner, again. I needed something other than the take-out this one always wants.” Despite the exasperation in his tone, all Levi could pick up on was the fondness, practically dripping off every syllable. He felt himself scowling, though he wasn’t quite sure what about it put him in a mood. 

“Oi, Erwin,” Levi began, as he pushed back his chair and stood up with his plate and utensils, fixing the blond a look as he tapped his fingernail against the underneath of his plate. “Do you think using your china makes the food taste better, or do you want _this one_ to end up breaking something?” He jerked his head in the direction of Hange, who let out an indignant whine. 

“No fair, Levi, I can be delicate when I want to be. I did get my degree in a science, after all, and spent years in a laboratory-” 

Levi turned, departing from the dining area as Hange droned on, recounting their experiences post-graduation and the studies they were responsible for. How and why they ended up giving up their job in the lab, something they clearly were passionate about, Levi would never know. 

He made his way over to the sink and turned on the water, rinsing off his plate and silverware silently. Much as he appreciated being in the company of his friends, he was craving the peace and quiet of his house. It still wasn’t too late to spend the rest of his evening curled up underneath his heated blanket, with a cup of tea and the latest book he’d been working his way through. 

After dinner, the group of them usually mingled and Erwin put something on the television, but they would see each other all again tomorrow at work, as they always did, so Levi didn’t understand the point of it. While Erwin and Mike sat shoulder to shoulder on the couch, and Hange flip-flopped between standing and sitting on Moblit’s lap or tugging him onto theirs, as unaware of personal space as ever, and Petra talked about her latest excursions with her boyfriend, Oluo (who she was far too good for, though Levi never made such a comment out loud, lest he come off as playing favorites amongst those in his division), Levi was often left sitting on the edge of the action, in Erwin’s brown leather living chair that squeaked every time he shifted his body weight. 

Levi flicked the water off his hands, turning off the faucet and leaning on the edge of the sink as he watched the water circle the drain, the gurgling faint yet deafening in the quiet of the kitchen. His friends’ voices were just dim sounds probing at the back of his mind and fading further away. Once the voices became indistinguishable, Levi pushed off the edge of the sink, wiped his hands off of the towel slung over the cabinet door, and made his way back out into the dining area. The chairs were shoved back, the dirty plates and platters all abandoned. Fighting back the well of irritation that rose in his throat, Levi padded past the table and through the dark wooden archway that opened up into Erwin’s living room. 

There, everyone was gathered around the television just like Levi thought they would be. “We’re going to leave the table a mess then?” His head tilted to one side as the accusatory words flowed, his hands on his hips and brow furrowed. Just knowing the dirty dishes were scattered all over the table made his anxiety about it scratch at the back of his skull, so insistently that he doubted he could ignore it even if he tried. 

“I’ll take care of it later,” Erwin flipped through some of the channels on the television, without looking over to Levi. A tense silence hung in the air before his icy blue eyes slid over to where Levi was still standing in the archway. “I can do it now too.” 

“No, I’ve got it.” Levi shifted on his heel to return to the dining room but Erwin clucking his tongue disapprovingly made him pause in his tracks. 

“No, Levi, Mike and I will take care of it.” Erwin sat the controller down on the arm of the couch and stood, beckoning for Mike to follow him. 

“I don’t mind.”

“Well, you should. We wouldn’t be very good hosts if we didn’t clean up after our guests,” Mike interjected, and though his tone was harsher than Erwin’s, there was an undercurrent of friendliness- an unspoken _don’t get bent out of shape_. Erwin and Mike breezed past him and Levi inaudibly sighed, only to find Hange staring at him from across the living room. 

“Levi!” They raised their hand, showing off the phone they were holding. A very familiar phone, clad in a very familiar case. Levi crossed the room in a matter of seconds, reaching for his phone that Hange held out of reach, clambering up from their sitting position on the couch to stand, making themselves taller than Levi. Next to them, Moblit hissed, grappling onto Hange’s ankle with one hand. 

“Don’t fall! Sit down, Hange, you’re on the couch-” 

“Give my phone back.” Levi deadpanned, reaching expectantly for the device. How had they even gotten their hands on it? He normally kept it in his back pocket, except for at dinner, he’d sat it on the table so he didn’t risk crushing it beneath him. They must have snagged it when he went to clean off his dishes. A scowl etched its ways onto his features. On some nights, Hange’s antics were amusing, but tonight was not one of those nights. 

“Please, Levi. Moblit took mine into the store to get the screen replaced and the new level on Candy Crush came out-” 

“You play that shit?” Hange fiddled with the phone, ignoring Levi as his gaze dropped to where Moblit sat beside them. “They play that shit?”

“Sometimes, yeah.” He winced and gave Hange’s leg a tug. “Sit,” like they were some sort of damn dog. Levi reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose before he gave up, taking a seat on the couch on the opposite side of Hange, who stubbornly remained standing. 

“I don’t have Candy Crush installed, I don’t play games.” Hange only hummed in reply to Levi, before flashing him his own phone. The logo for the mobile game danced across it. Great, there went more storage on his phone. Not that he had much to worry about, the only apps he had installed were essential for work or organization. There wasn’t much cluttering his phone in ways of pictures or music either, since the former Levi rarely took and the latter he always streamed. 

“I fixed that.” The happy music from the game chimed and Hange, blessedly, turned it down before they flopped back down onto the couch, tapping and swiping frantically across the screen. For a while, the three of them sat like that, with Petra busying herself on her phone across the living room. Levi stared at the television- it was some shitty, overdramatic true crime documentary, hardly even turned up loud enough to hear, but it was better than the infomercials Erwin seemed to unironically watch. Sometimes, Levi was concerned he actually spent money on that junk, but surely Mike would keep him in line about it if it got too out of hand, right? 

Against Levi’s best attempts, he found himself getting engrossed in the true crime drama unfolding on the television. The narration, while cheesy, and the music, while cliched, fit over the surprisingly well-acted reenactments of the murder. He drew his legs underneath himself on the couch, leaning against the arm and allowing himself to relax into the cushions. Silence and peace settled over the living room, filled with nothing other than the quiet sounds drifting from the TV and the breaths of the people closest to him- and then the distinct shuttering of a phone camera, right next to his ear. 

Levi’s eyes jerked away from the TV and he held a hand up, to block his face from the camera Hange had shoved in his direction. _“What are you doing?”_

“Put your hand down,” Hange batted at his hand and snapped another picture of his scowling face. In retaliation, Levi smacked their hand away, the phone precariously slipping out of Hange’s palm before they caught it between their fingers. “Whoops! That was a close one!”

“What are you doing?” 

“You know you hardly have any pictures of yourself on here-”

“Why does that matter? I don’t need them.” 

Hange’s eyebrow cocked. “You do if you want to get any attention.” They tapped the phone and leaned away from Levi, as if trying to get out of his reach. Moblit grunted behind them as they leaned into him. “I need some pictures for your Tinder profile.” 

Levi’s jaw slackened, his tongue working but no words coming. 

Erwin beat him to it, as he appeared in the living room’s archway. “Levi has a Tinder?” 

“No way-” Petra giggled, setting her phone down and twisting in her chair to look over at the exchange on the couch. Blood rushed up Levi’s body, pooling into his cheeks. 

“I don’t. Or I didn’t, until Hange took my phone.” He reached for the phone once again, only for Hange to continue to deny him. They _tssked_ , shifting away from him. 

“No you didn’t, but don’t you think it’ll be good for you? You stay alone in that house of yours all the time… and even if you don’t find someone you want to spend time with, there has to be a man or two on here who’d you let into your bed-” 

“Enough, Hange,” Levi’s head spun from the amount of heat rising to it, the awkwardness of the situation weighing like a million bricks on his shoulders. “Give me my phone back, shitty glasses. I’m done with this.” 

“Levi-”

“I’m serious.” 

“Hey, maybe it’s really not that big of a deal.” Petra spoke up, and then shrugged when all eyes fell on her. “It’s not like it’s a bad app- not that I use it but I know Eld’s gotten a few dates here and there. It’s not really mainstream anymore, so most of the people on it are more genuine than they used to be, I think.” 

“Yeah? See, Levi! I knew it was a good idea-” Hange chortled, their momentary concern over Levi’s attitude fading as they began to swipe on the screen. 

“It’s not, I’m not looking for anyone right now.” The _or ever_ went unspoken. He was perfectly happy by himself, the idea of having someone else invading his space, both personal and in regards to his home, was overwhelming and unpleasant. He had everything he needed in his job and the people surrounding him- he was content. He didn’t need anyone or anything else to be fulfilled, despite Hange’s (and occasionally Petra’s) nagging insistence that he _get laid_ or _find a boyfriend._

“That app’s for damn brats, I know that much about it. Delete it or give me my phone back and I’ll do it myself.” 

“True, there are a lot of younger people on here, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. You could use some youthful levity in your life.” Hange continued, making a face at the phone as they swiped left. Then right. Then right again. Then left. They sorted through the men that were popping up like some sort of game, and Levi anxiously watched from his spot next to them, only able to catch glimpses now and again over their shoulder on the type of profiles they were swiping on. 

At least the pictures didn’t always look half-bad, in the quick flashes he caught, but they weren’t even bothering to read the profiles, and despite the nature of Tinder notoriously being a hook-up app (and nothing Levi had any intentions of using for anything past deleting it when he managed to wrangle his phone out of Hange’s hands) he would never even consider talking to someone he knew nothing about on a virtual messenger. 

“What did you even put down for me?”

“Hm? Oh, I didn’t write anything, but I put your height and zodiac sign and drinking habits in the tag system. See?” Hange turned the phone towards Levi once again, showing him his own profile that he hadn’t even seen. They lifted the phone and swiped on the pictures they had uploaded for Levi. 

Most of them were terrible, two of them uploaded from what they just snapped on the couch, and another one was from a visit to the city with the group on a case. The last picture was an old one, a shot of Levi with a rescue horse he used to visit and volunteer for, unbeknown to anyone besides him and Hange and Erwin. Like many things, Levi had neglected to bring it up to anyone but his closest friends. Even with Erwin and Hange, sharing vulnerable moments of his life was difficult, but far less so than talking with anyone else. 

“Those pictures are terrible.” 

“Really? Nobody else seems to think so. You already got three matches!” Hange buried their face back in the phone, once again leaving Levi in the dark about what was going on on it. 

He rolled his eyes. Hange had never gone this far, but he should’ve expected something like this from them when they took his phone, Candy Crush being little more than a convenient cover-up. They were always babbling on about how lonely he must be, about how if he got laid, he might get that stick out of his ass, and the such. Levi had never thought they’d take it upon themselves to really try and set Levi up with a dating app, of all things. Not when it was just going to be deleted within minutes of him getting his phone back, so his notifications didn’t get blown up by desperate and horny twenty year olds on an app he was too damn old for. 

As Hange busied themselves with his phone, he sagged back against the couch, watching them with narrowed eyes and crossed arms. When Hange had their mind set on something, there was little Levi, or anyone else could do, to get them away from it. They were like a dog with a bone, and Levi didn’t have the heart to yank his phone away from them, even though irritation was bubbling under his skin. 

Without further complaints, Hange peeked over at Levi, and once they determined that he wasn’t going to snag the phone the first opening he saw, they relented, turning the screen to face him. “If you’re not going to be a Negative Nelly about this, I’ll let you help me choose men for you.” 

Levi snorted. “What an honor.” 

Nonetheless, and against his better judgment, he relented, leaning in to look at the screen with Hange. The individual up was almost thirty, facial hair wildly untrimmed and hair slicked back with what looked like to be an entire container of grease. Levi’s nose crinkled and he swiped left before Hange even had a chance to do it for him. They continued like that for a while, filtering through the profiles, though Levi was admittedly more picky than Hange had been. As they went, several notifications for new messages from his earlier matches popped up, but they ignored them- having seen the profile pictures, Levi already decided he wasn’t interested. Not that he was interested in anyone, he told himself, but especially not them. 

The phone buzzed as yet another message came rolling through, from one of the matches that had already sent one. Insistent, wasn’t he? “I’m starting to think you just swiped indiscriminately.” Levi scoffed, as he pushed up on the notification to hide it and reveal the next profile. He pulled the screen left. 

“Not totally, but you’re too picky anyway. ‘Not tall enough’, ‘not fit enough’, ‘his hair is too short’- you know they don’t have to become your husband.” 

The very mention of marriage had an uneasy chill going down Levi’s spine. It wasn’t the idea of commitment that intimidated him, in fact the security of such a thing was appealing, but people were unreliable and flaky, especially when the darkest colors he bore became visible to them. The security of marriage, or any benefits it might offer, which Levi couldn’t think of many, didn’t even come close to outweighing the comforts of not chasing such a thing. “Imagine marrying someone you met off Tinder. I doubt that’s ever happened.” 

“You’d be surprised,” Petra piped up from her chair, and Hange and Levi both shot her a look. As the youngest of their group, she probably did know best, but Levi knew he would never be able to take himself seriously again. Anybody on this app was desperate, and likely had something wrong with them. Otherwise couldn’t they meet someone in person like other functioning adults? 

With that mindset, Levi could scarcely believe he was indulging Hange for as long as he was. Then, a new profile popped up, showing off a young man who lived quite a good distance from Levi, as several other individuals did. Hange must have broadened the default search functions on the app- either that, or its location accuracy was shit. 

“Ooh,” Hange hummed, appraising the picture. “You like him, don’t you?”

“What?” 

“You make a sound when someone you don’t like pops up. You’re silent now.” They tilted the phone, as if it would give them a better perspective. “And what’s there not to like? Nice smile, pretty eyes, washboard abs-”

“His first profile picture is of him lifting up his shirt.” Levi deadpanned, practically embarrassed at even the idea of swiping on it. It wasn’t that the kid wasn’t attractive, in fact, every curve of his face and cut of his well-toned body made Levi’s blood tingle, but he was thirty-two and the kid was twenty-one. What kind of pervert would the kid think he was if he swiped on him? He’d only know if they matched, but what difference did that make? “And he’s a damn kid.” 

“Well, he’s twenty-one. And if you’re showing up on each other’s pages, it means he doesn’t mind someone a bit older than him.” 

“No.” 

“Age gaps aren’t that weird, Levi, there’s plenty-”

“It’s not that. Just swipe left already.” Without giving Hange the chance, Levi reached for the screen to do it himself but Hange snatched it away, fixing him with a look, the light from a nearby lamp catching on their glasses and causing them to glow. It almost made them look sinister. 

“Too late!” Their thumb pushed the profile to the right and Levi’s hand fell into his lap. 

“What the fuck, Hange? I told you I didn’t like him.”

“Which means he’s the only person on here who even really caught your eye. And whoo I don’t blame you, he’s a cutie, huh?” Hange paused, looking back down at the phone, before she chortled with glee. “You matched with him!” 

The color faded from Levi’s cheeks, his heart inexplicably beginning to thump in his chest, for a man he didn’t know anything about other than that blinding white smile and glistening green eyes from the picture. “Already?”

“He must’ve swiped on you already. I told you, it’s not weird!” 

“Nothing’s weird to you,” Levi shot back, though his tone was heavy... distracted. “What was the kid’s name again?” Hange opened back up the profile, now easily accessible since they had matched. Levi’s eyes fixated on the kid’s smile, skirting over where his hand was gripping the bottom of his t-shirt, lifting it to show off the bottom of his well-toned abdomen. He reached out and slid his thumb on the screen to show the next picture, which was far more innocent, just the kid with a girl with short black hair and another boy with bright blue eyes at the ocean together, all three holding seashells and smiling big for the camera. Levi dragged his eyes down from the picture, skimming over the rest of the profile.

_Eren Jaeger, huh?_

  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Getting High With Your Best Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahh back with the second chapter! this time it's entirely from eren's pov whereas the next chapter will focus on levi. i hope everyone enjoys !

_ Tap, tap, tap _ . 

_ Click, click, click. _

_ Tap, tap- _

“Jesus Christ, Jaeger.” Jean’s hand reached across the table, grabbing Eren’s wrist and pinning it to the surface. The pen Eren had been tapping repetitively rolled out of his fingers and off the edge of the table. “That shit’s annoying.” 

“Okay? Like you’re any better,” Eren yanked his hand out from underneath Jean’s and grabbed his wrist, hand splaying over his to push his thumb down on the top of the pen that he held, to make the thing  _ click _ open and closed. “That’s worse, dude.” 

“Ugh,” Jean dropped his pen and drew his hands back to himself, elbow resting on the table as his chin fell into his hand, his narrowed golden eyes glaring at Eren. “You’re still an insufferable brat after all these years.” 

“And you’re still an asshole.” Eren scoffed, swinging beneath the table to retrieve his pen. He sat it next to Jean’s discarded one and reached into his pocket, wiggling his phone free. It was nearly five, and he and Jean we’re still sitting in their university’s cafe, surrounded by other study groups. Armin was supposed to meet them at four-thirty, to help them both with essays they had due for English at the end of the week, but he was running late- something about  _ traffic _ and  _ lines at the gas station _ holding him up. 

“How about you just focus on your essay, I know you have nothing written for it.” Jean tapped on the keyboard that was attached to his IPad, which was propped up on the table by its case. “I have almost two pages done already.” 

Eren glanced at his own screen. The cursor was blinking on his blank Google Doc, practically taunting him. Writing didn’t come naturally to him, something that seemed to surprise people since he always had a lot to say. He was great at public speaking, always flying through presentations like an old pro, but when it came to putting his thoughts down on paper, he always drew a blank. At least with presentations, there was room for improvisation, and his tone and facial expression could say just as much as his words. On paper, nothing came out sounding right. It didn’t help that he found English to be a rather useless subject; what was he going to gain by writing an ethnography about a culture he was lying about being immersed in. 

“I still have a few days. Though, I’ve read your writing, it’s always ass, so I wouldn’t be bragging.” Idly, Eren began to tap on his keys, formatting the page into MLA. He got as far as the title, and then paused again, looking over the top of his laptop at Jean, who was no longer paying attention to his IPad at all, but rather his phone. There was a dumb smile on his face, something that was odd to see given how he normally looked like he just dropped his ice cream cone on the ground. “Wanna share?” 

The smile dropped from Jean’s face as he looked up to Eren. “Armin’s here. He’s just finding a place to park.” 

Eren shuddered. The knowledge that Armin had opted to text Jean instead of Eren to let them know about his whereabouts was something he would never get used to. It stung, just a little bit, even though Eren knew he was being terribly petty. Ever since they started dating, both Jean and Armin had a different glow about them. They were  _ happy _ together, spending nearly every waking moment in each other’s company when Eren didn’t yank Armin away to be with him instead. He and Armin had been attached at the hip ever since kindergarten, and though the two of them never shared anything past platonic feelings for one another, Eren couldn’t help but feel slighted at being pushed aside so willfully. 

Moments later, and the front door to the cafe opened, a rush of cold air gushing in. Armin stepped inside, carrying two bags. He spotted Jean and Eren at a booth nearby the door and hurried over to them, skillfully avoiding the various backpacks that had cluttered much of the cafe’s floor. 

“You guys haven’t ripped each other apart yet?” Armin greeted breathlessly as he dropped the bags on the table and slipped into the booth next to Jean. 

“We were getting there.” Eren reached for the plastic bag from the gas station, pulling out a Red Bull and a bag of cheetos. He passed Jean the Gatorade that was for him and Armin his soda. The blond meanwhile reached into the other bag, a brown paper one, which had their burgers from the fast food restaurant down the street. 

“No pickles,” Armin passed Jean his wrapped burger. “Extra bacon,” Eren held his hands out for his. “And no ketchup.” The last burger Armin left in front of him. Eren grabbed the empty bags and crumbled them together, turning to toss them into the nearby trash bin. 

“Thanks,” Jean smiled appreciatively as he unwrapped his food. 

“No problem. Sorry it took so long to get here. How are your guys’ essays coming?” 

“We really have to talk about it while we eat?” Eren ripped the wrapping off his massively oversized burger, taking a bite of it. “I mean, we can’t type and eat at the same time anyway.” He mumbled from around his mouthful. 

“Hey, Jaeger, try chewing-”

“Jean, don’t start.” Armin kicked Jean’s foot from underneath the table, the irritation thick in his voice. Eren knew that Armin was aware that his and Jean’s banter was just that,  _ banter,  _ but after so much of it, he wasn’t afraid to snap at them. He forced the two of them to get along for his sake, the constant bickering between them a sure way to get him pissed to the point of refusing to talk to either of them. 

“You’re right,” Armin continued, taking a bite of his food. “We can talk about something else. How’s it going with Tinder, Eren?” Next to him, Jean snorted. 

Eren ignored him and shrugged, flipping the app open. He had several unread messages in his inbox. He’d been chatting back and forth with a few people, but he made none of them his priority, and currently, they all were sitting on read. So far, nothing interesting had come of it. He wished he could skip past the introductory phase. He didn’t need to know about their friends, or their families, or their hobbies when he was just trying to get laid or get someone to pay for his bullshit. None of them had bought anything off his Amazon wishlist or dropped any money through his paypal,  _ or  _ even graced him with a nude, so the temptation to drop them was strong. 

“Well, I’m not seeing any keepers yet.” 

“No?” Armin hummed, and while Eren could tell that he was trying to be supportive, the way he buried himself in his burger gave away his hidden pleasure. Ever since Eren downloaded the app the day prior, he knew Armin didn’t like it, despite trying to keep his opinions to himself. He just didn’t understand the appeal that Eren saw, and it showed. “What about the guy with the horse?”

“The guy with the- aren’t I looking at him?” Eren pointedly stared at Armin, a smile threatening to break through his casual veneer. 

Jean’s hand hit the table loudly, the smack echoing in the cafe, but over everyone else’s chatter, no one turned to look at their table. “Okay,” he gestured at Eren, shooting Armin a look. Rather than say anything, Armin’s eyes rolled closed, and his fingers pinched the bridge of his nose in obvious agitation. Getting no help from his boyfriend, Jean shot Eren a glare just as Eren’s cheeky smile broke through . “You literally look like a hooker.”

“I-  _ what?  _ That doesn’t even make sense-”

“No, it does, no one has a man-bun outside of porn.”

“At least people want to have sex with hookers, no one wants to fuck a horse.” 

“Oh yeah? Your best friend begs to differ.” 

“Wait, are you trying to make me mad by talking about Armin? That’s kind of weird as fuck, dude.”

“ _ Guys _ ,” Armin’s sharp tone cut through Jean and Eren’s back and forth, and both of them sheepishly turned a look onto Armin. “This is honestly getting really old. I mean we’ve all been friends for forever, can’t we just get along for five minutes? And you can stop acting like you hate each other so much, you’re not fooling anyone.”

A blush rose up in Eren’s cheeks. He and Jean were always at each other’s throats, but he knew Armin was right. Much as he acted like he couldn’t stand the guy, truth be told it was nice to go back and forth with him at times. Unlike Eren’s other friends, Jean could hold his own, and he dished it out as good as he took it. If he and Jean didn’t have the luxury of getting after each other about stupid shit, what did they have? For someone like Armin, a friendship built on petty arguments may seem counterintuitive, but for Jean and Eren it  _ worked.  _

“So about that guy with the horse-” Armin continued, looking quite pleased that he shut the both of them up.

Eren looked down at his phone, and pushed through his numerous matches until the familiar profile popped up. “Levi,” he reminded, flipping through the pictures until he found the one in question. “I haven’t messaged him yet. He hasn’t messaged me either.” His eyes lingered over the picture, at the setting sun in the background and the rolling hills. Levi lived in the city of Stohess, according to his profile, but the scenery he was surrounded with screamed  _ countryside.  _

“Wait, who’s this Levi?” Eren slid his phone across the table as Jean’s question, and Jean picked it up, swiping through the man’s pictures. “32?” His eyebrow rose up to his hairline. 

Eren shrugged, head falling to rest in his hand. “A hot 32 year old. And he looks kinda loaded, doesn’t he?” 

Jean smiled, a laugh tumbling from his lips. “He’s okay,” he passed Eren’s phone back to him. “Looking for a sugar daddy then, Eren?” 

“You’re just jealous Armin’s broke.”

“Hey, I bought you guys burgers. That you’re  _ not eating _ .” Armin waved at both of them with his own burger, which was half-eaten. Stifling a laugh, Eren picked his back up and made a show of biting into it. “So, why haven’t you messaged him yet?” 

“I don’t want to seem too desperate,” Eren mumbled between bites. With the back of his hand, he wiped off an amalgam of ketchup and mustard from the corner of his mouth. “It’s like, you can’t message someone and just ask them to start giving you money unless they’re eighty and suffering from dementia. Even people who  _ want _ to spend money on someone else won’t do it just like that.” 

“You’ve got it down to a science then?” 

“I guess. Don’t look at me like that, it’s not like I do this all the time,” Eren polished off his burger and wiped his hands off on his pants, leaving behind streaks of grease. “And it’s not like I  _ need  _ money, it’d just be nice to have some spending cash.”

“Isn’t that basically like prostitiution though?” Jean interjected. He’d reclaimed his pen from the center of the table and spun it around thoughtfully in a circle between his fingers. “You’re gonna fuck some guy just so he’ll buy things for you? You do you, Jaeger, but  _ I _ -”

“Your mom still wipes your ass for you, Jean. And  _ no _ , it’s not like that. He doesn’t even live in Shiganshina, he lives in Stohess, and I’m not going to drive all the way there to fuck him for money.” Eren’s nose crinkled with distaste. 

Hustling someone for money by sharing a few pics or affectionate words, playing on their loneliness, was one thing, but he wouldn’t sell his actual body like that. Sex was just sex to him, a good way to relieve frustration and to have fun (the whole  _ making love  _ thing was lost on him, never having been in a relationship long enough to feel that way while he was tangled in the sheets with someone) but it didn’t feel right to accept money after it. That would just make him feel... dirty. 

“In my experience it’s not even really about the sex. It’s about them being lonely and rich and someone is giving them attention, so they cling onto that any way they know how.” Eren studied the picture of Levi with the horse. He didn’t strike Eren as the kind of man to be desperate, but why else would he be single and resorting to using an app like Tinder? One couldn’t tell much from photos, maybe he had some serious issues. Either way, Eren would never know if he didn’t message him. 

As Eren pulled up the message box for Levi, he could feel Armin’s stare boring into him from across the table. He could see the disapproving frown already. Armin always took things too seriously, always cared just a little bit too much about total strangers. Ignoring the air of disapproval radiating from his two friends, he typed in a message. 

**Eren:** Hey! I’m so happy we matched. Cool horse! Is it yours?

He closed out of the window, and locked his phone. The message had dripped with fake nicety, but Eren was satisfied that it didn’t sound too forced. People who included animals in their profile pictures were always easy to message first- said animals tended to be an important figure in their life, and they never seemed to want to pass up an opportunity to talk about them. 

Armin and Jean finished off their burgers, and the three of them got back into working on their papers. All the while, Eren kept eyeing his phone, expecting to see the phone light up with a new message from Tinder. Everytime it buzzed against the table, Eren looked over, disappointed whenever he saw a notification from Instagram or TikTok. 

Unlike the other matches he got on Tinder, Eren actually gave a shit about whether or not this one messaged back. Was trying to get someone to spoil him really that important? Or was the idea of sharing pictures with an attractive man like Levi simply appealing to his heart and dick alike? Eren wasn’t sure, but the anxiety of waiting for a response had him sitting on the edge of his seat, completely unable to focus on his paper as the hours ticked by. 

* * *

By the time Eren got home, it was nearly nine o’clock. Jean and Armin had left at eight, both of them having finished their papers, and Eren had said he’d stay a while longer and try to finish up his. As soon as both of his friends departed, he’d slammed the top of his laptop shut and got on his phone, slipping on his headphones to watch videos to distract himself from the nagging feeling pooling in his gut. 

Why didn’t Levi message him back? 

In all of Eren’s experience on dating apps, when he matched with someone  _ and  _ took it upon himself to message first, they always got back to him in a matter of minutes, not hours. His and Levi’s time zones were the same, so there really wasn’t any reason why the man couldn’t have messaged him back, unless he didn’t want to. In that case, why swipe right on him? The confusion plagued Eren until he packed up his bag and made his way home, eager to throw himself into a few hours of streaming video games before bed to distract himself from the odd feeling mounting inside of him. 

The house was quiet as he crept in through the front door. Undoubtedly, his father was in his study, and Mikasa was in her room, finishing up her homework for the night. Eren toed off his shoes and padded from the entryway into the living room. From the kitchen, he heard the familiar clanging of dishes being cleaned.  _ Mom _ . 

He swung around through the archway that opened into the kitchen, a smile on his face as he spotted his mother standing over the sink. Her dark brown hair was tied up into a messy bun, and she was humming a song to herself as she scrubbed the dinner dishes with a sponge. Hearing Eren’s footsteps, she threw a glance over her shoulder, turning off the faucet and drying her hands off on her red apron. 

“Where have you been?” She greeted, with a smile of her own. The two of them had always been close, and despite Eren giving her shit at times, they’d been inseparable ever since he was a child. 

“I was studying with Armin and Jean,” Eren swung his backpack off his shoulder and sat it on one of the kitchen chairs. “Well, Armin was helping us write our papers, I guess. Not studying.” Even though Eren wanted to get to his room and throw his favorite game on, he found himself falling into the nearest kitchen chair instead.

“And how are they? I haven’t seen Armin around as much,” Carla turned back to the dishes, and Eren sighed. 

“Friends are only so great until they get into a relationship.”

For a moment, Carla was silent. The dishes clanked as she sat a few of them aside to dry, and then she was untying her apron, tossing it onto the counter before making her way over to Eren. She pulled out a chair opposite his and sat down. 

“So, that’s why you’ve been in a mood lately?” The way she looked at him, so fondly and softly, it made Eren feel like a child again, not a twenty-one year old, fully grown man. Even though he felt foolish, no one could break through his resolve like his mother, and he felt his face crumple slightly as he fiddled with his phone. 

“It just feels different.” He looked down at the black screen. No texts from Armin since he and Jean had left him at the cafe. It was such a foreign feeling, to feel like there was a wedge slowly but surely being driven between them. Once upon a time,  _ Armin  _ had been the clingy one, and Eren had always snapped at him to give him space while he was losing himself in strangers that brought some excitement to his life. 

“Sweetie,” Carla reached across the table for Eren’s hand, and he rolled his eyes before reluctantly grabbing onto it. Her skin felt warm and comforting against his. “You know I’m always in your corner, but if you think Armin dating your other friend is going to change anything between the two of you, you don’t know Armin as well as you think you do.” She squeezed Eren’s hand and her smile shifted from being comforting into something brimming with amusement.

“What?” 

“Mikasa told me you’re doing the dating app thing again, and I-”

“She did?” Eren scoffed loudly, and snatched his hand back from his mother’s. “Mikasa!” He called, pushing back the kitchen chair so abruptly the legs of it whined as they scraped against the chair. 

“Okay, leave her alone. You know why she told me,” Carla stood too, and she braced her hands on the table as she leaned across it to fix Eren with a look. “You know your father and I don’t like you using those apps to meet people. I know you’re old enough that there’s nothing we can do to stop you-”

“That’s right and it’s really not any of your business, or Mikasa’s either. Can’t everyone just mind their fucking business?” 

“Eren-” Carla admonished, her voice rising with irritation as Eren brushed her off. He grabbed his backpack, hefting it over his shoulder as he stormed out of the kitchen, ignoring his mother’s calls for him. 

What bullshit. What twenty-one year old couldn’t download an app and not be told on by his adoptive sister? And she, and his parents, had the nerve to disguise it as ‘concern’, as if Eren couldn’t take care of himself. It was horribly infantilizing. Did no one trust him to decide what to do with his own life? He stomped up the stairs, throwing open his bedroom door when he got there and letting it slam shut behind him. 

“Fuck,” he muttered, tossing his bag on the ground, his hands clenching into fists at his sides. He was so frustrated it was practically leaking out of him, filling the air in his bedroom. Where did Mikasa get off on telling his parents what he was doing? Where did his mother get off bringing it up to him, as if it were her business? Did they not understand that he wasn’t just some puppet on a string for them to dictate however they saw fit? 

High school, boyfriends, college- all of it had been so strictly monitored and controlled by his parents that Eren often felt as if he couldn’t keep his head above water. Every day he was just going through the motions of being alive without ever feeling the thrill of life itself. It was always what Carla and Grisha thought was good for him and never what he actually wanted. Had they ever even paused to ask him about what he wanted to do with his  _ own _ life? Eren couldn’t recall a time that he didn’t feel like he was being shuttled down the path his parents carved out for him. 

Anytime he made a decision that went off the beaten path, he got shunned for it. The dating apps were no exception. After a few bad experiences, Carla and Grisha had both expressed their severe disappointment in him, and practically forbade him from using them, believing it made it ‘too easy for him to get caught up in the wrong crowd’, as they put it. At seventeen, the rule seemed unfair but at least somewhat understandable. At twenty-one, it was asinine. He was plenty old enough to make his own decisions on who he met and how he met them. 

Eren collapsed into his bed, facedown against his abundance of pillows. It was further agitating that Carla hid her true intentions about their conversation behind her comforting words about Armin. Clearly, she hadn’t given a shit about how Eren felt, watching his best friend drift away from him. He groaned into his pillow, frustration and irritation burning deep in the pit of his stomach. Sometimes it felt like the world was against him, with Mikasa stabbing him in the back the first chance she got, and Carla openly criticizing how he was choosing to meet people, and Armin making more room for Jean in his schedule and cutting Eren out of it. 

The buzzing against his thigh pulled him out from his flood of thoughts. He let it buzz again before he rolled over onto his back, fingers grabbing for his phone to pull it out of his pocket, expecting the notification to be from Carla or Mikasa, both of them oftentimes opting to text Eren rather than intrude on his privacy in his own bedroom when he  _ got like this-  _ as they’d say. The familiar names of his sister and mother didn’t pop up though, rather it was Tinder, alerting him of two new messages. 

Eren propped himself up in his bed, back leaning heavily against the mound of pillows clustered against the headboard. His heart quickened in his chest as he unlocked his phone and navigated to the app, impatiently tapping it open and swiping to his unread messages.  _ Well, it sure took Levi long enough to get back to me-  _ but the new message wasn’t from the older man. Instead it was from someone Eren had been messaging on and off, his profile picture not  _ bad _ , but nothing outstanding either. 

He was the kind of man who peaked in high school, and it was evident by his pictures. His primary profile picture was of him in his high school football gear, with a big smile, dark brown hair tousled from his helmet. His second picture was of him on the homecoming float, a pretty girl clinging onto his arm. Both of them had orange and yellow paint splattered all over them, likely representing the school colors. While he was nice enough, he wasn’t really Eren’s type. 

For a minute, he ignored the messages, but as loneliness clawed away at his insides, he sighed and opened them. 

**Samuel:** whats up!

**Samuel:** wanna go out tonight? this new club opened by my house & a couple buddies and i are going

While Eren really wasn’t in the mood to leave his house, having a few drinks with strangers and dancing to sweaty club music didn’t sound all too bad. At the very least it would take the edge off how he was feeling. 

He swung his legs off the side of his bed, grabbed his nearest pair of boots, and worked his feet into them as he typed a response back. 

**Eren:** send me the address

* * *

For a Thursday night, the club was packed. Being only a little ways off university campus, the club was near the heart of Trost city, and swarmed with college students. Cars were parked all along the side of the streets, and a line leading into the front entrance of the building extended down the block and around one corner of the building. Neon lights indicating the entrance to the club were nearly blinding in the dark, and the rainbow LEDs from inside kept flickering on and off through the windows. 

Eren pulled his car alongside the opposite side of the road, throwing it into park and turning off the ignition before he stepped out into the street. The kids in line were loud, shouting at each other from their place in the queue, boisterous laughter rising in the air.

It was late October and cold as hell out, and Eren was in no mood to stand in a line for an hour trying to get into a club. If it was Saturday and he had some fireball in his stomach to keep him warm, and he was surrounded by his friends, then it would be a different story. 

Whipping his phone out of his jacket pocket, he opened up Tinder with an irritated frown. 

**Eren:** this line looks miserable. i’m not waiting in it

**Samuel:** no worries dude we’re already inside, we’ll come and get you

Eren scoffed.  _ Great _ . He was half-hoping to just turn around and go home, the idea of clubbing becoming less and less attractive to him with every passing minute. The music wasn’t good, the lights were overwhelming, and even from across the street he could smell the thickness of weed and cigarette smoke and alcohol soaking the air. 

Several moments later, a tall, dark-haired man came jogging out of the front of the club. Eren recognized him from his Tinder pictures, but he’d put on a little bit of weight since high school and his hair was shaggier. Pushing off the side of his car, Eren strode across the street to join him. Samuel breezed past the bouncer, tugging Eren along behind him, though as soon as they were inside the club, Eren snatched his hand back, entirely not in the mood to entertain the other man. 

The inside of the club was so smoky that Eren could scarcely see through it. The music beat in the back of his skull, his heart beginning to thrum in tandem with it. Bright lights spun from the ceiling, casting rainbow streaks across the floor, illuminating everyone’s faces in reds and blues and greens. From the minute he stepped inside, his eyes were on the bar in the far corner of the club, surrounded by a hoard of people looking to get drunk just like him. 

“Hey,” Eren felt Samuel’s hand grab his upper arm as he spoke, and he shot him a look. Samuel jerked his thumb in the direction of the sitting area, which was on the other side of the dance floor. “My friends and I are sitting over there.” 

Eren shook his arm off. “Great. See you guys later.” He turned to push his way through the crowd, narrowly avoiding elbows and legs as he cut through people’s gyrating bodies to get to the bar. He slid into one of the empty booths once there and tapped his hand against the bartop to get the attention of the bartender. Despite the swarm of people, she seemed cool as a cucumber underneath all the pressure. 

“Can I get a vodka Red Bull?” He slapped his ID and cash out on the bar just as the bartender turned to fully face him. Her blue eyes widened in recognition and Eren nearly choked on his breath. “Annie? You work here?” 

Annie and Eren had known each other since elementary school, when her friend group and his collided. While the girl had always been aloof and distant, she’d always been strangely nice to be around. As Armin often remarked, she was nicer than she wanted people to think. They went to the same college, but given the disparity in their classes and job schedules, getting the whole gang together to hang out was far more difficult than it had been in their earlier years. 

Annie turned to begin making Eren his drink as she shrugged, pushing her long bangs out of her face with her shoulder. “Just started,” she grabbed a stick and swirled the Red Bull and vodka together in the glass. “Is Mikasa here with you?” She passed Eren the drink, and he grabbed it with a snort of amusement. 

“No, she hates places like this.”

“Right. Well, I’m working so- if you’ll excuse me.” The blonde turned away and Eren lifted his drink to his mouth with a sigh. If he was expecting any camaraderie from Annie, he knew it was in vain. 

The burn of the alcohol and the energy drink sliding down his throat was a welcome distraction from his thoughts. The more he drank, the more the music roaring his ears wasn’t so overwhelming and the chatter of other club-goers faded into background noise. He downed his first drink fast, and asked for another, which followed just as fast. He switched to shots of tequila after, wanting to get drunk as fast as possible and let the worries about school and Armin and everything else fade into nothing more than a hazy memory. 

By the time he stumbled away from the bar, he felt like he was floating. His stomach was warm and his head was foggy. “Thanks for the drinks, Annie. I’ll- you know, tell Mikasa you asked about her,” he called out as he wandered off. Annie said something, but he couldn’t make it out between the buzzing in his brain and the beat of the music. 

He cut through the crowd to the sitting area where Samuel said he would be with his friends. There were several large groups of people clustered around tables, laughing and sharing jokes. At one of them, Eren spotted the familiar head of dark brown hair, and he shambled over there. There were two other boys and two girls at the table, all of them holding their own drinks and smiling like they were having the time of their life. 

“Hey,” Eren interjected, breaking up the middle of someone’s story as he sagged down into the booth next to Samuel. Samuel wrinkled his nose, but then a smile broke over his face. 

“Ha, you’re already drunk? Jesus.” 

“What? You judging? I never- I never said I didn’t drink on Tinder. That’s where we met, you know, you don’t even know me.” 

“N-no. Calm down, man.” Samuel rolled his eyes and went back to conversing with his friends. Eren’s eyes fell onto the side of his face, studying every movement. 

Why had he invited him out if he intended on ignoring him? While Eren understood it wasn’t a date by any means, they  _ did _ meet on a dating app, and had talked back and forth for nearly a day, which honestly was longer than Eren gave most people. It was aggravating. He joined that damn app to have fun, and so far, he hadn’t had anything of the sort. Sure, the alcohol took the edge off how he was feeling during the day, but Samuel and his friends were a downright doozy. None of them even greeted him as he plopped down at their table. 

The friend group continued to share jokes and stories for a while as Eren boredly watched until one of the girls announced she was going to go get more drinks. The entire group decided they needed to go with her to ensure their orders were right, leaving just Eren and Samuel at the table. 

Samuel was looking at his phone, fiddling with it as if he was trying to distract himself and making it all too obvious. Eren rolled his eyes, leaned his elbow on the table, and pointedly stared at him until he looked up from his phone screen. 

“Wanna go fuck in the bathroom? You don’t have to pretend that’s why you invited me out.” Eren lazily looked around the club and shrugged his shoulders. “I mean it’s not like you’re interested in talking to me, which is fine ‘cuz I’m not really interested in talking to you either.” 

Samuel laughed, but it was tinged with awkwardness. “That’s the thing, uhm.” He peered through the crowds of people and smoke, like he was looking for someone. He scratched at the back of his neck, a wince forming on his face. “I’m not gay.” 

The words hit Eren like a slap to the face. His heart plummeted into his stomach as his blood chilled. It wasn’t that Samuel was exactly the man of his dreams, but to think he’d been baited out to the club by a straight man who he met on the gay side of a dating app- it didn’t sit right with Eren in the slightest. A blush rose to his cheeks as embarrassment pooled in his stomach. 

“Oh.” He immediately pushed himself up to his feet. “That’s messed up, man. Why did you even invite me out? No, why were you even looking at guys on Tinder then, what the fuck?” 

“It’s not like that-” Samuel stood too, but Eren was already stepping out of the booth, swaying slightly on his feet. “See, my girlfriend and I are just experimenting a little, and I promised her we could do it with a guy if she’d let us do it with another girl first-” 

Eren’s hands slapped his thighs as he barked out a laugh. “ _ What _ ? That’s what this is? That’s kind of something you like, disclose in your profile? I’m not going to fuck you and your desperate girlfriend.” He continued chuckling to himself as he staggered away from the booth and for the exit to the club, ignoring Samuel’s calls behind him. He raised a hand and flipped him off, and he heard an angry exclamation but nothing more came from the man.  _ What a douche _ . 

He busted through the exit of the club, shaking his head as he laughed to himself, crossing the street to get back to his car. Wasn’t that just his luck? The one person he had given the time of day on that app and he’d turned out to be the worst of them all. Maybe Mikasa and Armin were right, maybe Tinder was just a bad fucking idea. It already had landed him at a club at eleven at night, drunk from downing several drinks in the span of forty-five minutes or so, and being offered a threesome. 

Eren tugged open the door to his car and collapsed into the driver’s seat, his head resting against the curve of his steering wheel. The alcohol suddenly didn’t seem like such a good idea; it was already sloshing around in his stomach, mixing terribly with the embarrassment and anger he felt at the situation he was in. After a moment of breathing to get his shit together, Eren opened up his phone and flicked to Samuel’s profile, promptly deleting all their messages and blocking him. 

“Hasta la vista, asshole.” He muttered, hitting the final block button. His head thumped back against his steering wheel. 

He knew he couldn’t drive home like this, but texting or calling anyone to come pick him up would only cement what they all thought about him- that he was a loose cannon when it came to indulging himself on these dating applications. And hell, maybe they were right, but Eren didn’t want to hear it. It wasn’t like he was going to stop anyway, not when he was just grasping at straws to distract himself from the monotony of his life. 

As he sat there in the dark and cold of his car, he nearly drifted off, exhausted from the effects of the day and the alcohol he consumed dragging him down. Half asleep, his phone went off again, pulling him awake, and he groaned as he turned the screen up to look at it. Tinder again? Who was messaging him when he just deleted the one guy he’d been talking with? Curiosity getting the better of him, he went to the app to look at the message and much to his surprise, it wasn’t any of the other men that Eren had already ghosted trying to strike up a conversation. 

It was Levi, finally getting back to him. Next to their message thread, a little green dot glowed, showing one unread new message. 

Eren peeked at the time. It was nearly eleven-thirty, and Eren had messaged Levi first  _ hours _ ago. He was just getting back to him now? Despite the suspicions rising in Eren’s gut, he clicked on the message.

**Levi:** Hi. No, it’s not my horse, I live in the city.

The message was unbearably dry, and if Eren wasn’t drunk and his head wasn’t swimming, he would’ve tossed his phone into the backseat with utter frustration and never looked at the message again. But in this state, the words clung to him and his heart flipped in his chest, like he was some school kid getting a valentine from his crush. Levi was gorgeous, he was older, he was probably successful, and even though the reply was late, he was still taking the time to respond to Eren, presumably before he went to bed for the night. Didn’t that mean he must be interested in him? Whether or not it was genuine didn’t matter to him, just having the message was enough.

**Eren:** too bad it’s kinda cute :(

He propped himself up more in his seat, smiling at his phone as he typed out his next message. 

**Eren:** not as cute as you tho

**Eren:** can i say that?

Levi’s text bubbles came up and then they disappeared. For a solid minute, Eren stared at the screen, anxiously awaiting a reply. Finally, it came. 

**Levi:** You just did, didn’t you?

**Eren:** yeah sorry i’m a little drunk 

**Levi:** On a Thursday night?

**Eren:** that’s what trying to meet someone on this app with do to ya

After Eren sent that message, he leaned back in his seat, continuing to watch his phone for a few more minutes, but nothing from Levi popped up. The old geezer was probably already in bed, snoring away mid-conversation. 

But he got a reply back. 

Eren’s eyes closed as he ruminated on that thought. He had a shitty day and a shitty night, but maybe the whole thing wasn’t totally a bust. His messages were dry as all hell, but there was also something charming behind the words that Levi wrote, that cut through even Eren’s alcohol-addled mind, and as he drifted off in the front seat of his car, it stuck with him like a dream. 


	3. All Alone in the Dark of Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another chapter! it's out a little later than intended but i hope to have the next done soon ^-^
> 
> also, a few warnings for this chapter- there's a brief scene of violence / police brutality, so if you're sensitive to that, just be aware.
> 
> thank you all for your continued support!

The steps creaked underneath Levi’s weight as he walked up them, the damp wood bending beneath the soles of his boots, threatening to splinter away with one wrong step. It was a safety hazard- Levi’s leg could go right through one of the boards and he could twist his ankle, or it could gouge up his calf. But nobody in this area of Stohess cared, and even if they did, there was no one worth suing in a ten mile radius. 

He stepped up onto the porch, taking in a deep breath. The air smelled like cigarette smoke and must, the pungent mixture burning in his lungs as he rapped his knuckles against the door. He stood outside for a long few minutes, listening to the pitter-patter of rain dripping from the gutters lined along the roofs of nearby houses and onto the pavement below. The occasional car swished by behind him, bouncing along the narrow, holey street, tires kicking up water from the puddles they splashed through. 

Finally, the door opened, revealing a tall, slender woman with mousy brown hair drawn back in a bun. The circles underneath her eyes were as dark as the sky, and the lines on her face (far too many of them) made her look drawn and withered. When she saw Levi, her face lit up, tired blue eyes widening. She backed off and held the door open, ushering him inside. 

“Some nice weather you’re having, Rose.” Levi commented as soon as he was through the door, relieved to be out of the rain and the cold. His hair clung to his scalp and beneath even two jackets, the dampness and chill persisted, making goosebumps rise along his arms. 

“Oh, just the usual.” Rose pushed aside one of the dingy grey curtains that hung over the window next to the door, looking out at the heavy overcast. 

Outside, the rain began to beat down harder, echoing as it glanced off the house’s steel roof. Levi wasn’t looking forward to cutting back across the tiny front yard to get to get to his car, especially since he had to be to work after, but there was little he could do to avoid it, and he’d left his umbrella back in his office, hoping that the clouds would hold off opening up until he was back from his lunch break. 

“I know it sounds cliche,” she sighed, as she let go of the curtain and wrung her hands together. “But I really feel like we never see the sun here.” 

It was a point Levi couldn’t argue. The outskirts of Stohess always seemed to be blanketed by the smog that rolled off the heart of the city and the pollution being pumped into the air by factories that ran alongside the edge of the nearby river only contributed to the grey skies and heavy cloud cover. 

Levi glanced down to the tips of his boots before reaching into his pocket, fingers rummaging past his car keys to retrieve a folded up slip of paper. He passed it to Rose, who gingerly took it and unrolled it. A smile ghosted across her face before she pocketed the check. 

“I know I’m a few days late.” Levi’s hands slipped into the pockets of his jacket, and he stared past the woman into the kitchen, where dim lights illuminated a small figure peeking from around the leg of the table. Rose turned to follow his gaze. The little girl’s eyes widened as Rose’s eyes fell upon her, realizing she was caught. 

“*Maria*, you know you’re supposed to be in bed-” Rose reached up to pinch the bridge of her nose as the little girl scrambled away, disappearing down a hallway. “Ugh, that girl. Never stays down for her naps.” Rose patted the pocket she slipped Levi’s check into as her hand fell away from her face. “Late? You don’t have to do it at all… you know, you’re a lot nicer than you want people to believe.” 

Levi turned away. Him? Nice? Rose misunderstood him, didn’t understand why every month, he came by her little house for little wayward souls and left her a check to ease the financial burden of taking care of kids that weren’t even her own. He didn’t do it to be * _nice_ *. 

Rather than respond to Rose’s faulty assessment, Levi moved on, grey eyes seeking out Rose’s blue ones. Judging by the expression that crossed her face, she already knew what Levi was going to ask before he said anything. His eyes rolled closed as a slight sigh was pulled out of his chest, knowing that his request was unfair, especially since he knew there was no way Rose would turn him down; her heart was too big to do so. 

“Do you have room for one more?” 

* * *

By the time Levi returned to the office, he was soaked to the bone. The rain had drenched his jacket, seeping through it to his suit underneath. His hair had dried haphazardly in the heat of his car, only to get wet again on his walk from the parking lot to his office building, as he internally wished they had a parking garage like every other damn building in Stohess. But then again, they were a small organization, working out of what was virtually a hidey-hole in the midst of the city, surrounded by skyscrapers and apartment complexes as far as the eye could see. If one wasn’t looking, they might miss their building all together. 

He went in through the back exit that opened up into the breakroom- not that one was even necessary, since most of Levi’s colleagues were friends before they were coworkers. It made the work environment incredibly relaxed. Erwin’s company was small anyway, everyone knew everyone and everyone had their role to play; the typical nine to five drudge didn’t apply to them. 

“Levi!” Hange’s excited voice called from across the breakdown. They were holding a steaming cup, one of their hands wrapped around the mug while the other waved at Levi. “You look like you drowned out there.” 

Levi’s eyebrow cocked as he slung off his jacket and hung it up to dry. “That’s usually what happens when it rains outside.” He crossed the room to join Hange by the Keurig. They passed him the mug they were holding and Levi took it, surprise crossing his features. “You made this for me?”

“I saw you left your umbrella in your office, and I just *knew* you’d be grumpy when you got back so-” They shrugged and picked up another mug to make themselves one. “I thought some tea might cheer you up.” 

Levi knew that it wasn’t just the rain getting to him, and judging by the shadowy look on Hange’s expression, they knew the same. Sometimes, he hated how readable he was to them and Erwin, the two of them always capable of breaking through his carefully constructed defenses like no one else. 

With a sigh, he leaned against the counter, blowing on the steam curling off the top of his mug as the sound of the Keurig churning filled the breakroom. “Rose said she’d take him,” he began, staring down into the dark liquid swirling in his cup. “But we can’t keep asking her to do this.” 

“Because it’s illegal?” 

“No,” the idea of Levi caring about the legality of Rose’s makeshift orphanage was almost funny to him. He’d engaged in far more illegal activities in his youth, ones that actually hurt other people. At least Rose was helping those that needed it most. “Because it’s not fair to her.” 

Hange was quiet for a moment, the sound of the machine slowly drawing to a close as it finished filling up their mug. “Well, there has to be some other-” 

“You’d think.” Levi took a sip of his drink, relishing in the heat as it slid down his throat. It distracted him from how shitty the situation was, for just a split second. “How is the kid anyway?” 

“Petra’s talking to him now. I don’t think he trusts any of us though.” 

Levi wasn’t surprised by that. He’d been in the kid’s shoes once. Life on the streets, living off scraps and fighting for survival everyday, happy to find a dry place to sleep- it changed a person. Hardened them. And the worst enemy of all were adults. They never had anyone’s best interest at heart besides themselves, and that was something Levi found out the hard way when he was no older than twelve. 

His friends were different though, at this organization they all did what they could to help, even if it meant cutting corners and taking matters into their own hands. Still, the kid had no way of knowing that, and asking him to open his mouth about anything in an unfamiliar place to unfamiliar people was like asking a cornered criminal for their confession in a room being watched by cameras. 

“Well, let’s go tell them the good news!” Hange’s voice lifted, trying to lighten the moment. 

They turned to lead the way out of the breakroom, through the hallway with the various office rooms that branched off it, to the back area where they brought kids they needed to assess before they tried to improve their situation. It felt a little like a police station, even the room they brought kids into had a one-way mirror, but at least in place of two chairs and a single metal table, there were several couches, the floor was carpeted, and there was a TV tuned into Animal Planet mounted in the corner. It was the bare minimum they could do to make the kids feel like they weren’t in a hostile environment, but Levi knew better than anyone that such luxuries and niceties meant very little when confronted with a situation they didn’t want to be in. 

Waiting outside the room was Erwin, his arms crossed as he stared through the one-way mirror. At the sound of approaching footsteps, he glanced over. “Ah, Levi. Hange.” He nodded his greeting. “What’s the verdict?” 

“Rose said she’ll take him,” Levi stopped in front of the mirror, glancing through it at the teenaged boy sitting on one of the couches. Opposite him was Petra. If anyone was going to be able to knock down the boy’s walls, it would be her. Her warmth, affection, and understanding was nearly infectious. 

But the boy had his knees curled up to his chest, and was picking at one of his torn shoelaces, a closed off stance Levi recognized all too well as a jarring reflection of himself; malnourished in a single bedroom apartment with dirty plumbing, angry and bleeding while sitting handcuffed to a chair in the police station, kneeling in a puddle of mud and rainwater and blood, streetlights glinting off the steel barrel of a gun pointed at him. 

“That’s good news then,” A faint smile ghosted across Erwin’s usually stern features. 

Levi couldn’t share his coworkers’ enthusiasm. While it was evident this boy needed a welcoming environment to grow up in, one that would handle the trauma he undoubtedly experienced living on the streets with care and tenderness, allowing him to open up at his own pace, not every child was so lucky. 

Rose was nothing more than a good samaritan, using her own time, energy, and money to care for disadvantaged children. Currently, she had nine in her care, almost all of them below the age of ten. By agreeing to take in more children that needed help, not only did she burden herself more, but she risked being caught. After all, it was far from legal to simply scoop children up off the streets and care for them as if they were stray animals. 

But as Levi, Erwin, Hange, and the rest of their coworkers were bitterly aware, the foster care system was nightmarish, and most children ended up back on the streets anyway, and if not that, then they ended up in abusive households. 

Outwardly, Erwin’s organization was a group of freelance, licensed social workers that had come together to help get kids off of the streets, out of abusive homes, and into the foster care system. Some of the kids they rescued themselves, and others they took on from the police or other social workers, each case varying in their circumstances and outcomes. 

Inwardly though, it was a bit more complicated. For any kid they could get away with, they tried to get them into Rose’s care. It was completely off the record, which meant for any individuals that the police were monitoring, it was impossible, but for the others, it was a match in the darkness. But after years of raising kids in the shadows, and passing them off to fellow trusted people in her network of connections, Rose was burnt out, financially and emotionally. 

Many people would say that their work was rewarding, but truth be told, Levi was just * _tired*_. Tired of seeing the sad, dejected faces of the kids they got off the streets, tired of failing so many of them that still ended up in the foster care system despite their best attempts to find a different solution for them. Every time he watched a kid get taken away from their small building in the back of some agent’s car, Levi couldn’t help but stare after them and wonder what kind of hell they would go through, and think about how much they utterly failed them. 

Would it have been better to leave them on the streets instead of shipping them off into the unknown? Levi had torn feelings on it, but he kept doing what he did regardless, pushing forward despite the unpleasant outcomes. Someone had to help them, and if they couldn’t keep them out of the grasp of the government, at least they had * _tried*_ , and sometimes, that was the best that they could do. 

Levi was quiet as he got lost in his thoughts, hardly paying attention to Erwin paging Petra out of the room to give her the news. They would prepare the kid for his new life today, and by tonight, he’d be at Rose’s. She would take care of him, Levi was confident of that much, but what about the next kid? Or the one after that? He knew they couldn’t keep asking her to take them in, which really only left one option open to them, and Levi was sick of watching kids disappear into the system and never knowing what became of them. 

“Levi,” Erwin’s voice cut through his unpleasant reflection and Levi turned a look onto him. “Why don’t you go home early?” 

“Huh? Why?” Levi’s grey eyes narrowed in suspicion, and he gripped the mug in his hands tighter, only to find that the heat that had been seeping into his palms had dulled considerably. 

“We just have paperwork to finish up for the rest of the day, and Petra can handle getting the boy ready to move in with Rose.” 

“I’ll stay, I have some shit-” 

“I wasn’t asking,” Erwin’s voice hardened, his thick eyebrows drawing together sternly. Levi stared at him for a moment, irritation beginning to burn in the pit of his stomach. 

“ _*Tssk*,_ fine.” Levi spun on his heel to begin to stalk back towards the breakroom. 

“Levi, just go home and get some rest. You need it.” Erwin’s voice called after him, considerably softer than it had been a moment before. Levi ignored him as he continued to walk away, back rigid as he felt Erwin’s blue gaze bore holes into it. 

Going home wasn’t going to absolve any of the emotions he was feeling. If anything, being taken away from his work and only source of distraction would make it worse, but he wasn’t about to share that with Erwin. If his boss wanted him to go home for the day, who was Levi to refuse? 

As he stalked back through the building, Hange tried to stop him but he ignored them, pushing past into the breakroom, where he dumped his mug of cold tea out and scrubbed it thoroughly with soap and hot water before putting it away. 

“I’ll let you know what happens with the kid.” Hange’s voice sounded from the doorframe that opened up into the breakroom just as Levi was shutting the cupboard, pushed up onto his tiptoes to reach it. 

It closed with a quiet * _click*_ , and he stared at it for a moment in silence. Then, a sigh rolled out of his chest. There was no point in being cold to Hange, none of this was their fault. What happened to these kids, the ones they saved, the ones they didn’t, the ones they failed to help- it wasn’t on their shoulders, even though Levi treated it as such. 

“Thanks,” he murmured, and a small, knowing smile ghosted across Hange’s features. It was weird, seeing them so subdued. 

That moment didn’t last long though, before they were clapping their hands together, shattering the uncertainty and disparity that had settled in the air. For that, Levi was grateful. Hange knew when to be serious, but they also knew how to lighten the mood with little more than an exuberant gesture. 

“You never told me if you heard from anyone on Tinder!” 

Levi groaned. “We’re not talking about that now.” He dropped onto the balls of his feet and turned to continue his way towards the exit. 

“You’ll tell me if they do, right?” Hange called after him. “Right, Levi?” Levi grunted in response, shouldering open the door to the outside and lifting a hand to wave them off. “Be sure to send screenshots!” 

The door closing behind him cut Hange off, but he caught what they said nonetheless. A smile that he fought tugged at the corners of his mouth, and he lifted his hand, wiping at his face with it as if it would wipe it away. Somehow, Hange always managed to slice through his angst, and for that, he was grateful, though he’d pretend until his last day that they were simply an annoyance. 

With more of a pep in his step, he made his way through the rain, sloshing across the puddle-filled parking lot to his car. He slipped into the driver’s seat and turned on the engine, warm air immediately blasting out of the car’s vents as it rumbled to life. 

Truth be told, he * _had_ * gotten a few messages, but hadn’t bothered to respond to any of them. They were all from men Hange had swiped on, and none of them dropped any lines in their messages that made Levi look at them twice. Some had even had the audacity to comment that he ‘didn’t look his age’, and he was pretty sure that was a backhanded compliment if he’d ever heard one. 

Leaning back in his seat as the car heated up, Levi wiggled his phone out of his pocket and unlocked it, swiping over to stare at the damn icon on his screen. Why didn’t he just delete it when he returned home after dinner with his friends? It wasn’t like he ever had any intention of replying to any of the men who had messaged him, and the one that * _had*_ caught his eye hadn’t bothered to send him anything, only proving his disinterest even though he had swiped right on Levi’s profile. So many people just went through the app without really paying attention to who they were swiping on, that much was clear. 

He tapped the icon to bring the app up. It went to his messages screen, showing off several unopened messages, and then the ones he had ignored. Their preview text stared him in the face, as if challenging him to respond. But how was he supposed to respond to any of them? Most of them were clearly desperate for a physical relationship, the content of their very first messages to him commenting on his looks. 

Levi wasn’t sure why that bothered him so much. After all, at least they were desperate for something in their lives- knew what they were looking for. What was he after? 

Nothing, the only reason he was even on Tinder was because of Hange’s meddlesome interference. But if that were true, wouldn’t he have deleted the app by now? Wouldn’t it have not irritated him so much that all the men in his messages seemed drier than a loaf of bread that had been left out on the counter?

Anxiously, he tapped his foot against the floor of his car, swiping through his matches until he saw that boy who had caught his eye. Eren Jaeger. His face was barely in his main picture, his lifted up shirt and the sliver of exposed skin taking precedence. Levi pulled up his profile, eyes skimming over the man’s figure for a second too long to pass it off as something casual before he slid over to the next image- the one of Eren and his friends at the beach. It was a far more casual shot, and Eren’s smile was wide, downright infectious. His skin was sunkissed and glowing, his hair tousled from the wind and ocean waves, and sand was freckled across his shoulders and chest. 

After a moment of staring at Eren’s profile, Levi’s thumb found the message button. The box popped up, showing their blank conversation. Swallowing past the lump of hesitation that began to form in his throat, he typed out a message: * _I saw we matched. Did you swipe on my profile by mistake?*_

Levi stared at the words he typed. Was that how people started conversations on this app? Or was that too passive-aggressive, practically calling Eren out for not messaging yet. Maybe the kid was busy, or maybe he didn’t realize they matched-

He deleted the message, unsure of why he even was overthinking it. “Fuck this.” He closed out of the app and tossed his phone into the passenger seat, throwing his car into reverse to back out of his parking spot. 

Other than the swish of his tires against the rainy streets and the patter of rain on his windshield, his drive was silent, leaving him stewing in his thoughts. Work bore at the forefront of his mind, concern over Rose’s situation as well as the new boy she’d be taking in, and then the unknown of tomorrow. Coupled with that was anxiety over the damn dating app Hange forced on him, eating away at his stomach the more and more he thought about it. 

That was it. He’d delete the app and busy himself with paperwork at home, since Erwin couldn’t stop him from doing that much, and then read until sleep eventually claimed him, assuming it wasn’t elusive tonight as it so often was. 

* * *

Dinnertime rolled around before Levi realized it. When he got home, he’d discarded his phone on his desk without even looking at it, despite the promises he made to himself in his car. He busied himself with his work, ignoring several emails from his coworkers as he launched himself into filling out various reports and busywork. It wasn’t much, but it kept his mind distracted, away from images of that boy earlier and the worries of the day. By the time his work was finished, he rolled up his sleeve to check his watch, finding it was nearly five. 

He pushed his desk chair back, the wheels scraping against the hardwood. His apartment wasn’t huge, but it wasn’t anything to scoff at either. The kitchen branched off from the living room, where his desk was shoved into one corner by a set of windows that overlooked the city streets. The floors were all hardwood and tile, easier to keep clean than carpet- the only place there was a rug was in the bedroom, and even that was far from luxurious and fluffy. Those kinds of rugs were impossible to clean if anything dropped on it; not that Levi brought food into his bedroom, and the only drink that passed the door was water, safely trapped inside a screw-cap bottle, but better be safe than sorry. 

His kitchen was cozy; a small table with a single wooden chair was on one side of the island countertop. He had a two-door fridge, and a dishwasher and stove built into the underneath of his counters, with overhead cabinets for the dishes. As always, the kitchen was kept spotless, the marble countertops clean and free of clutter, and the sink completely void of dishes- just the way Levi liked it. 

He stepped onto the tile floor through the archway just as his phone buzzed in his pocket. It was probably just Hange, texting him as they usually did during this time, seemingly determined to always interrupt his peaceful dinner. Ignoring it, he padded over to the fridge to pull out his ingredients. He’d planned a chicken stir fry for the night, and had taken it upon himself to pre-cut the chicken and vegetables, which made throwing it all together in a pan with some sauce and spices, and boiling the rice for the base, incredibly easy. 

Once he got everything going on the stove, he turned his back to the counter, leaning against it as he slipped his phone out of his pocket. There was no new text from Hange, but a notification from Tinder. * _One new message!*_ Levi’s thumb hesitated over the banner, before he scoffed to himself. Who now? Was it someone he ignored getting pissy that he hadn’t messaged them back yet? In which case, some blocking might be in order, if he didn’t give them a piece of his mind first. 

Opening up the app, Levi swiped through the older messages that he already received, but nothing seemed new. It was the same old * _hey handsome*_ and _*we should get together-*_ that had already been there. Then, finally, there it was, a star next to a new person, someone who he hadn’t chatted with before. Or, rather, someone who hadn’t chatted with him. 

And it was Eren. 

Levi’s heart kicked up in his chest, and he inexplicably felt a surge of nervousness pull through his veins. He tapped on his screen and the kid’s message popped up. 

**Eren:** Hey! I’m so happy we matched. Cool horse! Is it yours?

For a long moment, Levi stared at the screen, until the boiling of his rice on the stove top grabbed his attention. He scrambled to pull a wooden spoon out of its holder to stir it before it bubbled over, all the while leaving his eyes glued onto his phone. 

The flare of excitement he felt at getting a message back from Eren was almost disconcerting. Levi knew nothing about him, and yet, seeing him message first, genuinely showing interest in someone like Levi, filled his stomach with a funny feeling. What was he? A schoolboy with a crush on someone he didn’t know outside of his shitty little profile and a few pictures? 

Levi locked his phone and slapped it face down on the counter as he stirred his rice, staring at the bubbling, swirling water, and the beads of it that had dripped down the side of the pot. Had Eren even bothered to read his profile? He clearly lived in Stohess, a relatively large city. *Of course* the horse wasn’t his. His introductory message had been nearly as generic as all the rest, besides the fact that he didn’t begin with something about Levi’s appearance. 

His mixed feelings over the message consumed him as he finished cooking and preparing dinner. He plated it for himself and sat at his small table, the only sound filling the silence of the kitchen was the scraping of his spoon against the bottom of the bowl and the tick of the clock that hung above the stove. As he ate, he cast glances to his phone on the counter, expecting to hear it vibrate against the countertop, but nothing came. 

Eren was probably messaging back all those he’d failed to get around to, casting his line out in a whole bunch of different waters to see what would bite. That was the problem with dating apps, and it was why Levi wanted nothing to do with them. Meeting online was no way to get to know someone, there were simply too many things that could go wrong. Making anything work online, or through an app, took a kind of commitment that Levi didn’t have, especially since he wasn’t looking for someone, for a hook-up, relationship, or anything else. Hange was convinced otherwise, but there was so much going on up in that jumbled and over-active brain of theirs that they could convince themselves pigs could fly if they tried hard enough. 

Levi sighed into his food, as he took his final bites and polished it off. Not everyone needed someone to be attached to their hip to feel content, and Levi was one of them. Letting himself get close to Erwin, Hange, and the others was difficult enough, let alone exploring something deeper with some *stranger* that he met on what was virtually a glamorized hook-up app. 

Hange would argue that he wouldn’t know how to really feel about it unless he gave it a try, but what was the point in giving something a try that he knew would eventually let him down? Maybe if he met Eren -or any of those men- organically, it’d be a different story. But that, even Levi knew, was a lie. It was hard to meet people organically when his entire life happened in his apartment and his work building. 

Bitter with himself for overthinking it, he stood to take care of his dishes and clean up after dinner, reluctantly scooping his phone back up and pushing it into his pocket. The rest of his evening he spent not thinking about Tinder or Eren or dating or hooking-up at all. 

He finished cleaning, got a text from Hange about the boy, which he promptly responded too, took a shower, and crawled into bed to read for a few hours before he attempted to get some sleep. His workday always began early, so if he could help it, he tried to be in bed by seven or eight and asleep by nine or ten, but it rarely worked out so nicely. In hindsight, Erwin sending him home early had actually helped his schedule, since he managed to get all his reports done earlier than usual, which left him with a few hours to himself. 

Levi read in bed until nearly nine-thirty, and by then, his eyelids had started to feel heavy and the words on the pages were beginning to melt together, making it hard to keep the sentences straight. He lifted a hand to rub at his face, pushing his hair off of his forehead as he slipped his bookmark between the pages and sat the book on his nightstand before leaning over to flick the light off. Darkness engulfed the room, with only the faintest illumination from the city lights cutting through the crack in his blinds. 

The city was never really quiet, there was always the constant sound of cars going by, of planes roaring as they passed overhead, or drunk neighbors shambling down the hall, but Levi’s apartment was peaceful, all those extraneous sounds were drowned out by the faint hum of his own breathing. Eventually, it lulled him into sleep. 

As his body melted into his bed and his heart slowed, his mind went elsewhere, shifting back in time, breezing by shards of his past memories, until it stopped on a dark, trash-littered alley that smelled like mildew and mud and smoke. The scent was so potent, it burned in Levi’s throat, in his lungs, stinging his eyes. He felt it like it was yesterday, the dreamscape cutting as deeply as the moment itself had. 

A girl with bright red hair. A boy with shaggy blonde hair. Both panting, both sweaty from running, in their hands clutched grocery bags. Levi, next to them, with rain-slicked clothes, and mud-filled shoes. He’d been nineteen- no, twenty. Isabel, sixteen, Farlan, twenty-one, flanking him like they had for years. 

“They’re still chasing us?” Isabel panted, leaning up against the nearby building. Her limbs were shaking from exertion, her signature pig-tails loose and falling out around her face. 

Farlan was stretching up on his tiptoes to reach for the fire escape, his fingers slipping against the metal as he tried to pull it down, the grocery bag dangling off his wrist. “Gah, I almost got it.” He shot Levi a look, pale blue eyes meeting Levi’s narrowed grey ones. The sound of people approaching was getting closer, and Farlan and Levi knew better than anyone that they couldn’t keep running. Their only chance to get away was to hide and hope they went unnoticed. 

“Hurry,” Levi sat the grocery bags he was carrying down, and joined Farlan by the fire escape. If Farlan couldn’t reach it, there was no way he was going to be able to. “Leave the bags behind if we have to.” He braced his fingertips against the bricks, shooting Farlan a look. “Give me a boost up, I’ll grab it.” 

“Bro-” Isabel’s panicked voice sounded from behind them as Farlan kneeled on the damp ground to give Levi a boost up on his knee in a last ditch effort to reach the fire escape. “Levi! They’re right there!” 

“Hey!” The shout from the mouth of the alleyway shocked the trio, Levi pausing with one foot braced against Farlan’s bent knee. 

Down the alley was a small cluster of men in uniform, the hazy street lights reflecting off the golden badges clipped to their chests. “Stop! Don’t move a fucking inch!” One of the men shouted. 

Levi’s stomach plummeted, realizing what he was holding in his shaking hands. The steel glinted, pitch black and dangerous as it stared them down. He hopped off Farlan’s knee, blood roaring in his ears from the adrenaline flooding through his body. Every instinct in his body told him to run, every instinct in his body * _knew*_ they couldn’t shoot them, that their guns were just a show of bravado. They hadn’t hurt anyone, and police couldn’t just shoot for no reason. 

“Put your hands up, you dirty fucking theives.” An officer behind the leader snarled, his voice vicious and dark and cutting through the rain that began to pelt down into the alleyway like a knife. 

Levi’s eyes flickered to Isabel. Her wide, terrified eyes looked between him and the police officers, as if looking for some kind of guidance. Levi opened his mouth, to tell her to run, that he and Farlan would hold the officers to at least give her a chance to flee, but she moved before he could say anything, wringing her hands nervously into her soaking wet jacket, the grocery bags she was holding clanging together in front of her as she shuddered. 

The crack that cut through the alleyway was one that would be forever burned into Levi’s skull. The gun kicked back, a spark flying from the barrel as a bullet whizzed out of the chamber, and in a second, it hit its mark, tearing through Isabel’s stomach and out through her spine. 

“I said put your hands up!” The officer shouted again as Isabel stumbled. Levi’s eyes widened, all the air whooshing out of his lungs as the girl crumbled into a heap on the ground, only mere feet from him. The bags she was holding crashed against the pavement, the jug of milk inside splitting open from the contact. White liquid seeped out, bleeding into the pool of dark red that was beginning to grow on the ground. 

“You fuckers!” The sharp cry of pure anger and hatred ripped out of Farlan’s throat, and before Levi could make a move to stop him, he surged forward, throwing the bag around his wrist in the direction of the officers. 

That crack sounded again. Then, a sickening thud of Farlan’s body hitting the ground, bones crunching from the awkward way he fell. He was facedown, with a hole blown out the back of his skull, wet chunks of brain matter, skull fragments, and blood splattered around him. He was dead in an instant. 

“Don’t do anything stupid, kid,” one of the police officers warned as the small group drew closer. 

Rage, grief, disbelief- it all swam in Levi’s stomach as he stood between the bodies of his two closest friends. His eyes fell onto Isabel, her young face smeared with mud and water, her hair like a bloody halo around her. Her eyes stared off into nothing, gone the lively spark that usually danced there. Levi’s legs shook, and before he could stop himself, he grabbed the knife sheath at his hip, pulling the small blade free as he charged the men, not stopping even as he heard the hammer of a gun click as it was pulled back. 

“Enough!” The voice rang out as the shot left the barrel. Levi braced himself for the pain of metal tearing through flesh, but instead, the bullet hit the pavement in front of his feet, glancing off of it and missing him by a hair. In front of him a tall blond man had grabbed the wrist of the offending officer, twisting it until the gun clattered from his grip. 

The rest happened in a dark blurr. Levi wrangled with the blond, until his face was shoved into the grimy ground, his forehead cut open and bleeding profusely as head wounds always did. The blond warned him to stay down for his own good, even as he picked himself up onto his knees, panting, as he kneeled in a puddle of mud and blood and water, all mixing together and soaking through his pants. 

* _Thought she had a weapon-*_

_*The boy charged us-*_

_*We didn’t know if they’re armed!*_

As Levi kneeled in the puddle, a gun pointed at him in case he dared moved, even as one of the officers secured his hands behind his back with cuffs, he heard their excuses to the tall blond, the one who’d missed saving his friends from being brutally massacred by arriving to the scene two seconds too late. 

The echo of the gunshot reverberated in his skull, a sound that wouldn’t leave him alone even though the officers’ voices and the patter of rain. Behind him were two bodies- bodies of people who had been by his side for years, who counted on him to protect them. Bodies of people he loved. But now they were just husks, bloody shells that meant nothing without the spirit that once inhabited them. Slowly but all at once the reality of the situation began to sink in: Isabel and Farlan were gone. Never again would Levi hear Isabel’s laugh, or watch Farlan swindle some poor shit out of his money. Despair flooded through his veins, and Levi’s stomach lurched, the contents threatening to surface. 

If it wasn’t for the blond kneeling in front of him, Levi was sure he would’ve vomited right then and there. Instead, he grounded himself in those kind blue eyes- deceptively kind blue blues. The badge on his chest spoke to anything but his kindness and he was a pig, like the rest of them. 

The rain fell around them, more cops arrived on the scene, the blue and red lights cutting through the dark. But the alleyway smelled like gunsmoke and dirt and blood and milk, curdling together as it ran through the rivets in the pavement like tiny little rivers, slowly but surely getting washed away by the rain. 

Levi awoke with a jolt, his eyes shooting open only to be met with consuming darkness. He shoved himself upright and fumbled for the light beside his bed, knocking his book off the nightstand in the process. His fingers trembled as he pulled the string and then light flooded the room, bathing it in a pale yellow glow. 

Sweat clung to his skin, sticking his t-shirt to his back and his hair to his forehead. He shoved his blankets off of his body, swinging his legs off the side of his bed to stumble to the bathroom, limbs shaking as he carried himself there, throat bobbing as he swallowed past the dryness building there. 

* _Fuck*_. It’d been ages since he had a nightmare that bad. Years and years of time had buried it away in the safe recesses of his mind, but sleep just had a way of dragging those memories back to the surface, didn’t it? 

Levi leaned over the sink, spitting up excess saliva that had gathered in his mouth before he turned the faucet on, running the cold water over his hands before splashing it on his face to cool himself down. Sighing heavily, he turned off the faucet and glanced up into the mirror, watching the droplets of water roll down the bridge of his nose and hang off the ends of his hair. 

It’d been twelve years ago, and the dream still felt so raw, as if it all happened yesterday. Erwin had quit the police force shortly after the incident, expressing his disgust at the way the entire department was run and the utter lack of training for officers. The offending cops had been found guilty of murder, by some miracle, and were rotting away in prison for the rest of their days, but that didn’t bring Farlan and Isabel back, and Levi found that sweet revenge was still rather bitter. 

Given the shoddy police work that had happened on that night, any case against Levi had been thrown out the window, leaving his criminal record flawless. It was the reason why he was able to do the work he did now, since having a criminal record would bar him from social work, but in the grand scheme of things, that barely mattered to him. He’d give up every aspect of his life now if it meant Farlan and Isabel didn’t meet the fate they did, at the hands of murdering, trigger-happy bastards. 

Levi rested his elbows on the edge of the sink, burying his face into his hands as he regained his composure. The smell of that alley on that night still haunted him, like some sort of ghost. For as long as he lived, he doubted he’d forget it. 

He pushed off the sink and stumbled back towards the bed, stripping off his shirt and tossing it into the hamper as he went. He paused when his knees bumped against the edge of the bed, looking down at the sheets, streaked with his sweat and rumpled from his tossing and turning. With gritted teeth, Levi grabbed them, yanking on them until they came off the bed. He balled them up and threw them into the hamper to join his shirt, and then the comforter followed, and then the pillow cases. 

He grabbed the hamper to drag it to the small laundry room that branched off the bathroom. He threw open the top of the washing machine and spun the dial to turn it on, watching as the water sputtered and then poured out, rapidly beginning to fill it. 

He needed this, he thought as he grabbed the detergent and poured nearly a quarter of the bottle directly into the water before he slammed the bottle back into its spot on the shelf. He needed this, he thought, as he gathered up the laundry in the hamper and shoved it down into the washer. Anything to distract himself from the dream that lingered on the edges of his consciousness. 

Biting on the inside of his cheek to suffocate the swell of emotions inside of him, he grabbed the top of the washing machine and closed it before pushing the start button. The machine rumbled as it began to swirl the laundry around, shaking slightly against the ground. 

Levi turned, hauling his empty hamper back into his room to set it in the corner before he sat on the edge of his stripped mattress. It felt like it was three in the morning, some silent hour of the night where nothing seemed real and the barrier between the past and the present was thin and penetrable, but upon checking his phone, he found it was only eleven-thirty. Not even midnight. 

He turned the device over in his hands. He could text Hange, they always talked with him when he needed it, and he wouldn’t be surprised if they were still awake, but the last thing he wanted was to raise their suspicion. The only two who knew about Levi’s bloody past was Erwin, naturally, and Hange, but even so, Levi did everything in his power to never talk about it with either of them, preferring to suffocate the vulnerabilities than risk exposing the most sensitive parts of himself, even to those he trusted.

No, Hange wasn’t the move. In fact, he knew he should set his phone aside and not let his need to focus on anything other than * _blood and milk*_ spur him into making any rash decisions. But what was worse than that was sitting alone in his apartment, on his bare mattress, waiting for his laundry to get done with no hope of sleeping another wink for the rest of his night with nothing to occupy his mind. 

He stared at his phone, swiped over to a message that he had been determined to ignore. 

**Eren:** Hey! I’m so happy we matched. Cool horse! Is it yours?

The normalcy of it washed over Levi. Eren was just a twenty-one year old kid somewhere in Shiganshina, living his best life with his friends, judging by his pictures and looking for some fun on a dating app. He knew nothing of Levi, nothing about his life now or his life then. He didn’t know anything about rainy alleyways or stolen groceries or bullet holes in skulls. Didn’t know anything about orphans on the street, or making a bed out of a cardboard box, or watching children get whisked away into the fucked up foster care system in hopes that it would solve their problems only to break them more. And something about that was appealing. It was easy. 

**Levi:** Hi. No, it’s not my horse. I live in the city.

He stared at the message, thumb hesitating over the send button. His heart was still racing, but as he hit the button, it began to calm some, his eyes lingering on the two message bubbles that now filled their chat box. He didn’t expect Eren to reply, maybe at all, certainly not almost immediately. But there the three dots popped up. 

**Eren:** too bad it’s kinda cute : (

 **Eren:** not as cute as you tho

 **Eren:** can i say that?

Levi snorted, a surprising spark of amusement beginning to build in his stomach, gradually pushing aside the dread that had mounted there. Somehow, the compliment on his physical appearance felt more endearing coming from Eren. Or maybe, it just meant more coming from someone who looked like Adonis. 

**Levi:** You’re not bad yourself.

He deleted the message, and typed out a new one. 

**Levi:** You just didn’t, didn’t you?

 **Eren:** yeah sorry i’m a little drunk

 **Levi:** On a Thursday night?

Given Eren’s age that was hardly surprising, plenty of kids his age would drink given half an opportunity, but getting messed up on a Thursday night usually spoke to something more going on. Or maybe, Levi was just reading into it, pushing his own situation onto Eren. The kid was probably just lounging in his dorm room with a half empty seltzer and boredly messaging desperate bastards who wouldn’t leave him alone. 

**Eren:** that’s what trying to meet someone on this app with do to ya

Just as Levi expected. Eren was driven to this out of desperation, and Levi was driven to this… out of what? Because Hange signed him up for it? But she hadn’t been the one to keep the app on his phone, and she hadn’t been the one to message Eren back. The implications of that settled a bit uneasily with Levi, but even that discomfort was welcome in place of those horrible feelings his nightmare drudged up. His nightmare- in the short, fleeting conversation he had with Eren, it’d all but melted into the back of his brain. 

Realizing it had been a few minutes since he messaged back, he quickly typed something out. 

**Levi:** Really? Why are you on it then?

A few minutes ticked by and nothing from Eren. Given it was almost midnight, it wouldn’t be surprising if he had dozed off, but Levi sent him another message, two for him to wake up to if that was the case. 

**Levi:** I’ll go first. My asshole friend stole my phone, signed me up. It’s a shitty app.

He watched his second message go before scrolling up through the brief beginning of their conversation. 

Yes, it was a shitty app, but Levi supposed it could be worse. 

  
  


  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> to anyone interested, there is a VERY much work in progress [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6ZuRNfi2nohlkS37oo8IgE) for this fic !


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